it has been a taxing week. rushing report, and at the same time trying to finish up the piled up notes. despite of the tiredness, every night i have the same problem. i think the sheep is bored of seeing me every night already. should try counting chicken or duck tonight.
'' catch myself
from despair
i could drown
if i stay here
keeping busy everyday
i know i will be
ok''
Gabrielle: out of reach
from despair
i could drown
if i stay here
keeping busy everyday
i know i will be
ok''
Gabrielle: out of reach
i am tired. really tired now. too tired to feel anything. it's less than one month. as the day draws closer, my fear is getting more and more.
but i have been pretty much occupied with things, things that i should be doing. i miss the feeling of being satisfied with myself, satisfied with whatever that i have accomplished.
and for the first time after sooooo long, i feel satisfied yesterday. i felt happy putting the fertilisers under the hot sun. felt happy weeding the plants. felt happy talking to the people at the home. because, at least i know i am useful. i know i can't help everyone out there. i know i can't make much difference in the society. but at least, i try my best to make a difference to people whom i come into contact with.
i read this from a book yesterday.
''what you focus on EXPANDS, when you let go of problems, they let go of you.''
~andrew matthews
but i have been pretty much occupied with things, things that i should be doing. i miss the feeling of being satisfied with myself, satisfied with whatever that i have accomplished.
and for the first time after sooooo long, i feel satisfied yesterday. i felt happy putting the fertilisers under the hot sun. felt happy weeding the plants. felt happy talking to the people at the home. because, at least i know i am useful. i know i can't help everyone out there. i know i can't make much difference in the society. but at least, i try my best to make a difference to people whom i come into contact with.
i read this from a book yesterday.
''what you focus on EXPANDS, when you let go of problems, they let go of you.''
~andrew matthews
let go.
on a random note, i found some random pictures =P
mom, bro, and myself -2mths old
convo magazine pic!at least now i know the rice that i have eaten all these years are not wasted. i have changed so much, physically and mentally. i miss the times when i was young, naive and ignorant. when i look at my niece now, i realised there are things which i can learn from her. children are genuine. they show their feelings.
they smile, only when they really want to. and they don't need much to smile. they can smile at anything naturally. when i look at my niece, i smile, and that's the most sincere smile that i can put on, without much effort. it's sad that it needs a lot of effort to even smile now.
children cry. they dare to cry when they feel unhappy, anytime, infront of anyone. they express themselves freely , and to them, it's absolutely alright to do so. it's sad that it needs a lot of courage to cry infront of someone now, that you have to pretend to be strong all the time.
pfft. i don't want to grow old.
they smile, only when they really want to. and they don't need much to smile. they can smile at anything naturally. when i look at my niece, i smile, and that's the most sincere smile that i can put on, without much effort. it's sad that it needs a lot of effort to even smile now.
children cry. they dare to cry when they feel unhappy, anytime, infront of anyone. they express themselves freely , and to them, it's absolutely alright to do so. it's sad that it needs a lot of courage to cry infront of someone now, that you have to pretend to be strong all the time.
pfft. i don't want to grow old.
3 comments:
Hi there, in relation to the final bit of your post, here's some stuff i found whilst lookin up stuff to plagiarise for bdays heehee:
"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese"
"You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely"
I believe we will always have genuine smiles on our faces if we can find something to smile about everyday! (:
<3
hey yo liana!
i think...age matters, especially at certain time of the year, when u realized u need more and more energy to blow out ALL the candlessss on your birthday cake. haha. kidding!
the only thing that i can smile about everyday is my cuteness wei =P
i've been thinking about the same thing u talked about crying. somehow we just dont cry in front of others freely now.
sometimes when i saw children crying out loud, i envy them. they can just express freely wat they are feeling.
anwyayz, i feel fortunate that i can still smile with minimal effort. hey, remember - gratitude - in the secret? yes, always feel the gratitude, always appreciate things and u will smile from ur heart =)
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