200th post

wow. this is my 200th post. i am amazed myself. this blog witnessed my process of growing up. i hope these posts here will be gentle reminder for myself not to repeat mistakes which i have done due to my naiveness.

being in accident and emergency department for one week has taught me a lot. red zone can either be a havoc like a disaster scene or as quiet as library. during the havoc period, thats when us as medical students get to kaypoh a bit and try to learn.

and during these havoc moments, thats when i realised i just cant think straight when i am nervous. thus a lesson to learn, i have to remain calm, controlled, confident, focused and observant, even when the world is in a storm. Have you heard of in the midst of the stormy disaster, the most tranquil place to be is in the eye of the hurricane? i want to be there in the midst of a storm.

and the only way to do so is by experience , experience, and experience. only through experiences we will gain confidence. i remembered how my hand trembled when i first attempted to insert an intravenous line. now, i can confidently put in one :)

being in the field which death is such a common matter made me feel desensitised. somehow, i feel cold. feel apathy towards patient's pain. i do not want to be this way. but the more i have seen, the colder i have became. and this is worrying.

i love the on calls at night in A&E. because it keeps me occupied. instead of sitting infront of my books passively trying to absorb the never ending medical knowledge, the running up and down in A&E is as good as jogging/swimming. and at the end of the day, i will feel so tired that i collapsed in the bed after getting home. spare my mind from thinking about nonsense.

i just cant wait to leave here. to be away from all this. 5 more weeks!