LEE HOM :)

2.5.2009

my first ever concert! one word - FANTASTIC. he didnt dissappoint me. one thing for sure, he played all the musical instruments soooo well that leaves me no regret for spending on the ticket.

the venue
the company :)

the reason why 25 thousands ppl gather at the stadium :)

something that i realised, concert is a good place to reflect. while i was watching leehom playing guitar, i can feel that he is so in love with music, so in love with the things that he is doing now. people always say, do the things that u are interested, then u will succeed. but this is the first time i have seen someone soooo into the things that he is doing, so in love with the things that he is doing. i believe this is the key to success, loving the things that u are doing, and doing the things that you love. because of his passion for music, because of his belief in sharing music with other people, he is who he is today.

i hope i can stand out one day and say, medicine is something that i want to do, it is something that i love. i guess it will happen some day. and only then i will become a great doctor. one day.

somehow during the concert, i suddenly remembered the quote that xy once shared with me, if you love something, set it free, let it go, if it comes back , it is yours. looking at lee hom, this is what i felt yesterday. if his parents,who are of medical background stop him from involving in music, stop him from singing, producing musics, leehom wouldnt be doing what he likes now. and this will be plain torturous to be forced to do things that you don't like. and it will be a loss to the music industry. and this just struck me hard yesterday. if you love someone, let him/her to do the things that they like. if its meant to be, it will be :)

all in all, it has been a great experience:) looking at someone that i have admired for 10 years+ performing on the stage is my dream all along. and yay, i wasn't dissappointed by the perfomance. keep going, and keep producing good music, MUSIC MAN :)

a memorable night

Try to spot the similarities:2009

Gradnite 06

Asean Dance 05

yep, my theme color for all the three functions are maroon/red. not that maroon is my favourite color, but its just all coincidence. but after looking through the pictures from my old folder, i guess, i put in the most effort in this ball. at least, i dun look like lo-han fish like how i did in a levels prom! :P

anyway, THE day started off pretty well, like amazing race, rushing here there with the girls, getting ready for the big night. first stop, kuchai lama for our hairdo, followed by make up at clinique in midvalley.

finally, its 6pm. and there we were, all ready, pretty, handsome :) we were greeted by a gigantic fountain infront of the hotel lobby. not forgetting the grand ballroom.ah, heavenly.

then, it is followed by a night of taking pictures. i think, we have easily hit 500 pictures in just that few hours.

table 47!Girls:)roomie!
My hamsapest :)
Prom king!!i think i look cool in a vest! :P

and and and, the night ended with McD!!! :D after long cravings for fast food, i finally got my hand on my favourite sundae cone:):):)

and and and, happy birthday rm :) yep, cheers to this one year of ups and downs, lots of memories from studying, climbing mountain, running, fishing, baking, makaning, mms-ing, and all the silly arguments that we had. yep, i agree that our lives are measured by the people whom we meet. and knowing u, has really changed my life tremendously. thank you for all the positive seeds that u have planted in me !

destination

sadness, depression, dysphoria

are all processes. something that we must go through before we reach the

final destination:

happiness :)


i waited. i missed. i am confused. when will i reach the final destination.

anticipation

things have been happening very fast.and many great things are yet to come .

=imu ball on april 19th
=leehom's concert on may 2nd !!!!
=21km half marathon on june 7th
=conquering mount K on july 27th

celebrating the new member in the family, welcome to the world, joey :)

and its a coincidence that i am now learning reproductive system. the day you are conceived is also the day you won a swimming competition, competing with millions other contestants, so we are all a good swimmer. haha, what a way to put it!


counting down the days. and as it draws closer, my heart aches more.

''nobody else can make you feel the way you are feeling, except yourself''

:)

i love meeting old friends - chats, gossips, food, jokes and catching up :) a weekend well spent, before i am back to the cycle of lecture-notes-sleep-eat-jog-pbl.

i still like creamy cheese chicken in pastamania.

i still enjoy the hawaiian chicken chop in kaki corner.

its time to cut down some weight!

heart beat

We learn about heart sound, S1 and S2. and in some individuals, there are S3 and/or S4.

lup dup lup dup.

thats how it should be.

recently, there is this new song by leehom, 心跳,(heart beat) . i love this song :) and at the end of the song, there is this monologue by leehom, saying that in this busy life that we have, sometimes, we should slow down and listen to our heart beat. yes, very true indeed.

the other day, before my exam, i took out my stethoscope and put it over my heart region. lup dup lup dup lup dup. listening my heart beat, i asked myself, is this truly what i want? is this really the path that i want?

i doubt myself. whether i am really suitable to be who i want to be? i have gone through 1 year+ of medical school, yet, the knowledge that i need to know, is so much, that it is more than i could handle. learning, memorizing, regurgitating, and forgetting. it seems like a cycle. whatever that i thought i have remembered, seem to evaporate in no time.

listening to my heart beat, i asked myself again and again, whether i really can endure this path that i have chosen, the long hours, the never ending committment, the sacrifices, the tonnes of responsibilities. lup dup lup dup...can somebody please translate this to me?

i guess, this journey in med school not only taught me medical knowledge, it makes me think. and taught me to learn about myself. and i am slowly enjoying it.

some one once told me: Don't waste your heartbeat! yes, true enough :)






i listen to it again. lup ........dup........

it just contracts in agony. slower and slower...

''when someone is in your heart, they're never truly gone'' - for one more day- Mitch Albom

can you stop becoming the autonomic nervous system of my body. please don't affect my heartbeat anymore.i have my own regulation.

it's almost one year.

and i always wonder, do you know all this is happening?

lup dup lup dup.

slower and slower...day by day.

I love you :)

this morning, i went jogging with my dad :) half way around the lake, my dad stopped. he said he is tired and asked me to continue. at that moment, it struck me that my dad is old. he is no longer the man that used to run faster than the wind in running competition. no longer able to chase after his son from upstairs to downstairs and back to upstairs. no longer able to be like how he used to be.

as we grow up, our parents grow old. recently, something that happened in my family made me realise my parents will leave me anytime. one friend asked me, are you prepared for all these? to face all these unforeseen incidents? my answer is no. it never occur to me that my parents will leave me. i know i am naive to think that they will always be there for me, forever. but, i am just not prepared.


''have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish had back.'' mitch albom - for one more day

I LOVE YOU, thats the one thing that i want to say to my parents now, but being brought up in a way that we don't normally express our love verbally, its pretty hard for me to say it to them, neither do they say it to me. but i know, they love me more than anyone else on earth. some people say 'i love you' so easily, just like saying 'how are you' . its hard for me to say it unless i really mean it. and in my family, we just weren't brought up this way to express our love to each so openly. haha. i guess, we show our love by actions :)

emptiness

today when i was reading something, i was reminded of the time in singapore, when i used to walk from SA to the mrt and then from mrt back to hostel. i don't normally walk alone, but there are times when i will walk alone back. and these are the time when i will spend time talking to myself, planning my schedule .many many other things will run through my head during this short period of time. in this 15mins, i can very well plan ahead my schedule for the rest of the day and next day.

i wonder whether it is because i don't walk as much here in msia, or is it because i no longer fight for every single second that now i no longer utilise my time as how i used to last time. i remember the time in singapore, i dun even have time to sit down and think that i have to use that short journey from school to hostel to think and plan. every second counts. but now, sometimes, i will just sit and stone. i no longer walk as fast as i used to. i no longer eat as fast as i used to. i no longer fight for every second.

why?

i duno why. but i just know that, i wasted so much time, just like water from the running water tap. and sadly, there is no turning back, the water can't flow in reverse direction back to its source. time, just like water, is precious. but why do i take it so lightly now? where is the old self that used to care so much, even a second?

this makes me feel so empty.

and now, after eos3, i feel even emptier. feel like there is no goal. i kinda miss the pre-eos period, when i know i just have to fight and fight and fight. because i know i have this exam to pass.

some friend once sent me a msg during the exam period, which i think is pretty inspiring:

Somewhere in Africa, a gazelle wakes up at the break of dawn.
now this gazelle knows that it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Somewhere else in Africa, a lion wakes up at the break of dawn.
now this lion knows that it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve.
it doesn't matter whether you're the lion or the gazelle,
What matters is when the sun rises, you'd better be running."

but sometimes, i wonder,day and night, study study study. but at the end of the day, i study because i know i have to. i just have to. honestly, i still couldn't find the reason and motivation behind it. fight fight fight, what for?

yet another emptiness.



and



everyday without you makes me feel even emptier. it sucks to feel this way. it sucks to prevent myself from getting closer to you, when deep down inside i know i want to. when can i do things that i really want? when can i be honest to you?


i really hope to get out of this emptiness.



anyway, happy birthday jeannie (17!) and xinying :):):)

#this marks my 100th posts.

2009

it is now 2009!

how did i spent the last day of 2008? 3clinical examinations, 2 history taking in the morning, followed by GI notes in the evening. just as the clock struck 12, just as the rest of the world are partying outside to usher in 2009, i was reading my haemorrhagic fever notes, studying different types of virus, and yet i couldn't answer the question on this topic the next day. urgh!

sleep-study-eat-shower-study-study-study-study

that's practically how i spent my 5 weeks before the year ends, all because my final exams is on 30th and 31st dec, extending to 2nd and 3rd jan. you may think that it is quite sad to spend the last few days of 2008 this way, but i actually felt quite happy. quoting from barath's msn pm, we may be studying on new year's eve, but who knows whatever that we are studying on that night might save a person's life 10 years down the road. and i guess, as we take the hippocratic oath on the first day of medical school, we would have expected this. no new year, no christmas, no what so ever celebrations for many years to come. this is because, there are people falling ill every second, regardless whether it is new year or just a normal day. so we should always be prepared for this.

anyway, results was out yesterday. i look back at the past 5 weeks, it was not easy. to go through all this. but i am really glad to have one bunch of friends who are going through the same thing with me. be it practising csu together, having some 'intellectual' discussions, or even to the extent of preparing our own emq/meq questions ,all this kept me on track despite many many many distractions. and most importantly, during this period, encouraging messages, calls, cakes, dessert and food or even a small gesture like saying JIAYOU! to each other are the things that kept me going and going. and i am very glad to have this study buddy of mine, who kept pushing me, and at the same time feeding me with lots of motivational food. without him, i guess i wouldn't have been able to finish studying all the 4 systems.

and now, i am going to sum up my 2008. being a second year medical student, coping with many new things everyday, learning proper clinical skills, and most importantly adapting and understanding more about inter-personal skills. i guess, this is a year of change, not physically, but i feel it is a year of self discovery. i feel, the two years in singapore has broaden my perspectives, exposing me to many many new things. and here in imu, i feel that i really grow. grow to understand people around me, and at the same time grow to understand what i really want.

2008 is a year filled with lots of laughter and tear. a year with lots of ups and downs. a year which i lost something that i treasured so much but gaining other things in return. thats life.

one very important thing that i learn in 2008 is that, whatever happened, happened for a reason. and never do things that will make yourself regret. but somehow i realised, 10 years down the road, we will be regret of the things that we didnt do, rather than the things that we did. hmmph.i duno.

2009 will be a great year:) many many great things awaiting us. it is time to flip to another chapter, a colorful chapter filled with lots of happiness and love.

power of healing

do doctors have the power of healing? i duno. embarking on this medical journey makes me think of many things. people always say doctors make a great contributions to the society, by saving lives. but many of times doctors can't do anything but to raise a the flag to surrender to some disease, best example would be late stage cancers.

when i was in kkb, i can't forget the way the family of the patient look at me. the look that says: ' please help us" , " we really need you". but there i was, standing there helplessly. can't do anything but staring at the ill patient. i really want to help, but now i do not have the ability yet. the feeling is just depressing.

but next time, when i have gotten my own license, to stand at the frontline, will i still be as helpless? i guess i will feel even worse if i can't do anything but to let the life slip off my hand like that.

am i prepared for all this? facing deaths every single day? treating death like eating? certifying death like reading newspaper? breaking news to the patient's family like telling a story? detaching myself from feeling anything at all?

i know one day, i will be numb with all this. but i guess, when that time comes, it is just plain sad. that i no longer have feelings for death. but i have to be desensitised with this, or else i will suffer.

i can't let patient die because of my mistake, or because i am lack of the knowledge. that's something that my friend said. its very true. getting good results now doesnt guarantee that one will be a good doctor, but to be a good doctor, you first must have the very basic knowledge. so conclusion?

S-T-U-D-Y!

KKB

i am back from kuala kubu baru, or the kiri kanan bukit.haha. i wasn't actually posted to there for rotation this semester but then i just went over during the weekend for the waterfall trip :) but but but, the funny thing is that i didn't even get to go to the waterfall and the pasar malam. instead i spent most of the time at A&E department in kkb hospital and got to see really interesting cases.

first delivery that i get to witnessed makes me appreciate my mom more. the pain is really really really really really unbearable. eventhough i wasn't the one giving birth, i can really feel the pain. i can feel it when the needle was piercing the woman's perianal region. it is just something that you cannot describe with words. but i guess, the woman's pain is not wasted, as a new life was brought to this world and it is the laughter, smile or maybe even the cry of the baby that keeps the woman holding on. i got the chance to hold the baby. i feel so motherly for the second :P and we were saying that we should bring all those teenagers out there who are ignorant about all sexual contraceptives to witness a child birth. that should scare them enough. but i am thinking, why not bring those kanasai people who never appreciate their parents for bringing them to this world, for raising them up, shedding sweats, tears and even blood in the process. that would really slap them awake.

besides serious work, i also went fishing. but this time round, it was night fishing. a totally new experience. rm brought us to a bridge and there we can see so many anglers there, waiting patiently for their next day's lunch/dinner to hook on. when i got down the car, i can really feel the peace in my mind. it just reminds me of the time when we were high up on the peak of the mountain. so calm. so peaceful. and we can hear the waterfall from far vividly. what more with a nice moonlight and thousands of stars.ah, bliss.

we stayed there for the whole night to next morning and almost freze to death the night but it was all worth it. the view in the morning was just AWESOME. i was really smiling inside and outside, something that is missing in me for soooo long. it's not a smile that i have to fake out, that i have to send impulses to cerebral cortex and control my lips muscles to contract and there forms a smile. its just so natural. i feel happy from deep within. and i really miss the feeling.

although we didn't get to go to the waterfall, we spent time at the downstream. it was equally fun:) i guess, its not about the place, but more of the company. hanging out with all guys is not a bad thing afterall, except the dirty jokes part.haha. i was so entertained by the boys musical perfomance(for more than one hour!!!!!!!). and not forgetting the illegal thing that they did, i shall not mention it outloud here. but the experince was truly memorable. i really love u guys, Dr B, rm,kj, cw :):):)

AWESOME scenery:)

the AWESOME guys :)

lastly, THE jump :)

there is this feeling that i have never felt before. it was just so comfortable. i have never felt this way in my life. i just hope time can be stopped at that moment. but to enjoy all this, i know i am sacrificing so many other things. so many things that i have neglected. and i am making myself sinking deeper and deeper. but dun get it wrong, i am not emo-ing. because i enjoyed it, and everyone deserves to enjoy what he/she wants right? :)

bye to the days with home cooked food. bye to the days with nice bed which i can hibernate on.

6 weeks to eos. 6 weeks to new year. 1week to gombak hospital rotation. and 0 day to back in vista.

argh. i have trouble deciding whether i should do my electives in sg or back in msia.

i gained weight like nobody's business after 2 weeks of 'inactivity'.

and i am still feeling as kanasai as ever :(

this post is totally random. i know. sorry.

changes

as we grow older, we change, both physically and mentally. one very fine example is that when we were young, we used to hate green veggie a lot ( at least for me). and we refused to take all those green veggie no matter how hard the adults try to persuade us. i am sure in our mind will be full of questions like why do they kept asking us to eat the disgusting veggie? and why do they have to force themselves to eat the veggie when its not nice? but look, when we grow older, we start to appreciate these green veggie. and we take it even when no one is there forcing us to take. why the difference? its because we have CHANGEd with time. this is a very true fact that i have not realised until a friend of mine mentioned it that day.

yes. we have all changed as we grow older. and these changes are inevitable. it's impossible for us to grow without changing. and with all these changes, it is important to maintain our identity, our principles, and our focus of life. but it is just so hard.

and looking at the people around us changing, will we able to accept their changes? can our perceptions for one another change as we all change with time? can you accept your friend if he/she turns out to be someone that is very different from who you thought he/she was?

the experiences that we are going through are something that are shaping our thoughts. it is from these experiences that we can learn and change to be a better person. going through so many things may be tough, but without these experiences, we won't be able to grow up.

but sometimes, talking to people who have gone through many things in life is very useful as well. we can always gain priceless life experiences from them and learn from their mistakes. it is always wiseful to learn from other people's mistakes because we do not have time to commit so many mistakes. thus, talking to some people for one hour is sometimes worth a lifetime's experience :)

i just came back from johor. looking at my grandparents, i really want to do something for them, at least some small little things. but i just do not know how. the other day when i was jogging in the park, i saw one old lady walking there with the daughter. and she was holding tightly to the daughter's hand. i don't know why, but at the very moment, i was so touched by the very scene. when we are young and can't walk properly, our parents guide us patiently until the day we can walk independantly on our own. and similarly, when our parents grow old, it is our responsibility to guide and help them when they couldn't walk properly. why there are so many people out there who complain complain and complain about their parents, and treat them like a burden. have they forgotten who are the one who guided them properly when they couldn't walk? have they forgotten who are the one who fed them when they couldnt' eat by themselves? have they forgotten who are the one who cleaned them up when they couldn't shower by themselves? so why the complaints now when they have to return the favour for the very same person who did the exact same things for them 30/40 years ago? 'money not enough2' by jack neo is really a good and worth watching production. it really portrays what is happening in today's world.it has touched my heart, and i hope it will do the same to many many sons and daughters out there.

perhaps, to understand your parents' love, you must first raise children yourself. i don't quite agree with this though.

exam

exam is over, but the engine must still be on, for there is one giant monster awaiting us end of december. till then, i must keep moving and moving.

the paper was horritable...but, after the exam i was so happy because of a ridiculous reason.i realised i've been using the word 'ridiculous' and 'kanasai' quite a lot lately. that's because i really really feel that way.

sometimes, there are so many 'should's in life. like i SHOULD be doing this, i SHOULD be feeling this, i SHOULD be at another place...so many shoulds. our actions are not normally portrayed by we are feeling/innermost thoughts, or put in another way. there are many of times that we are not doing things that we really want. but we are influenced by what we SHOULD do or what we are EXPECTED to do and thus, the things that we are doing are normally a big contrary to what we are feeling. is this considered as hypocrisy?

there is one very wise line that i learn from cf that day. 'there are many talented and gifted people in today's world, what we really need are deep people' true enough, how many people in today's world are actually deep thinker? how many people actually have the time to slow down and really think through and reflect on their life, how many people who actually really look at the mistakes that they have done and learn from it?

and for this reason, i am going back to my hometown for the week before rotation posting for a retreat, or perhaps soul retreat. it is time for me to sit down quietly and talk to my soul and my innermost thoughts.

kk, this is getting very serious. few LAME jokes to share here. this is what medical students came out with when they are stressed during exams.

why did the tortoise cross the road?
because it wanted to get to the SHELL station.

what is the lamest part of the body?
hypothaLAMEST (hypothalamus - a part in the brain)

what is the most masculine part of the body?
bundle of HIS ( in the heart)

what pathological condition only affects woman?
HERnia (nia to be pronounced in hokkien slang)

what is the funniest part of the body?
humerus - a bone

where can you see mickey mouse in your body?
disney (this-knee)

where do you see old man turning in your body?
omentum (old man turn)

which disease only affects woman who are very bouncy?
hirshprung disease ( HER spring/sprung)

who is pacman's brother?
parietal cell in the stomach (look at the picture of pariental cell and you will know why)

and the lamest...
what do u get when u spell megakaryocyte wrongly?
or u can rephrase the question as...where do you see giant kairou in your body?
mega KAIROU site...

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA...i know ...sweat...but this is what keeps me going for this exam , in replacement of something else.sigh. i know this way of coping with the problem is very unhealthy for both parties, but but....i don't know.

post exam. time to relax. xy said that day, actually we are really lucky and blessed. our life is just to study, the only thing that we should be worried about is study study and study. after exam we can go enjoy all we want. unlike our parents, who have to worry about so many things, work, household matters, financial, children...shouldn't we be grateful? ya, we should.

thank you

thank youss directed to different people :)

thank you so much for reminding me that i need to take care of myself, because i am responsible for myself. no one else is obliged to do so. hope you are really alright:) and i am really really glad that the decision that i have made few months back seem to be leading to a positive outcome. i guess, life is just like double edged sword. we can't have good things at both world. glad that everything is alright now :)

thank you for the message. sorry for always burdening u with all my problems.

so long as there is breath within me,
i will persist.
for now i know one of the greatest principles of success,
if i persist long enough,
i will win.

thank you for the orange.

thank you for understanding whatever that i am feeling. it's freaky that u know my innermost thoughts eventhough i didn't express it out to anyone.


thank you for being there for me.


thank you ( you you you you and you) for everything.

swim

this morning, i woke up early and have the sudden urge to go swim. so there i am, swimming in the pool all by myself early in the morning. i have long forgotten this feeling of swimming freely in the water. ah, i love swimming, except for the swimming experience in phuket(urgh). i used to swim quite frequently when i was in secondary school. its the second sports that i like besides table tennis :)

and just like running, i think a lot when i swim. haha, i think, basically i think a lot all the time recently, thats why i can't really concentrate when i am studying. sigh. anyway, i came out with some really meaningful line. i don't know anyone else has came out with it before me or if there is grammatical errors with it, but i think its just so meaningful.

leave the past, live YOUR present, and lift the future :)

live the life the way you want it, because ultimately it is YOUR life. no one else is responsible for it. so, am i living the life that i want? i don't know. because till now, i myself is not sure of what kind of life i want.

marathon

life is just like a marathon. you have to keep going and going and going. it is different from running around the park, where u can just quit halfway when u feel tired. for marathon, u just have to move forward because there is no turning back. u may feel tired, u may feel like giving up, u may ask yourself why are u running this race that seems to be endless. but at the end of the day, when u reach the finishing line, u will feel so proud of yourself that u achieved something. same applies to life. something great cannot be achieved unless we have suffered. as we are running this marathon of life, we should always think that we are not alone. there are so many thousands people are running as well. they are facing the same giant that u are facing.if they can do it, why cant u?

the above philosophy is something precious that i have learnt from a friend. its just so amazing that we can compare life with a marathon. and just like another friend of mine, i think a lot when i am running, either in the park or during a race. running can grant u a peace of mind and ya, that's why i have been running a lot lately :)

i have so much to say to you. but i just lost the courage to face you. i am sorry.

fall for you

i love love love this song :)

Fall for you- secondhand serenade

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you's impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

i won't forget the night when u sang this song. i know it was not intended for me, but this song brought back so many sweet memories :)

happy

happy is a choice.

this is something that wy said in the video. of course i know that. everyone wants to be happy. if happy is a choice, why are there still sad people out there? i don't think anyone would want to be sad if they can choose to be happy.

i am doing something that is making myself sad. very sad in fact. i can't foresee the consequences of this action. but i do hope that it will be a positive outcome. but going at this rate, i wonder how long more can i withstand.

sometimes, i hate myself for not appreciating whatever that i have, but instead kept focusing on things that i do not have.
i complain about vista, the apartment that i stay in now, when there are so many homeless people out there wanting to get a shelter.
i complain about imu, when there are so many people out there who do not even have the opportunity to go to school.
i complain that i am not a good speaker, when there are so many people are born mute, not able to communicate even a single word to their loved ones.
i complain that i am not a good runner, when there are so many people out there who are wheel chair bound, bed-ridden and cant even go to the place they want without other people's help.

i complain about so many things. but never learn to appreciate the small things that i have. i think one of the key to happiness is to be grateful with whatever that we have and work hard for something that we want. i believe in fate.

if it belongs to you, it will be yours eventually.

change

Things change pretty fast eh. this is not the first time i have this feeling. sometimes, you feel like you know someone very well, well enough that you thought that you understand whatever that he/she is thinking, well enough that you thought that whatever problems that arise between both of you can be overcome easily, well enough that there is no secret/lies between both of you.

and just when you thought so, reality proves you wrong. its just feel like the person that you thought you know very well suddenly becomes a complete stranger, that you don't understand him/her at all, that you feel betrayed by the very person that you trusted a lot.

it is just so sad that sometimes a friendship is affected just by some minor things. some small things that won't even matter at all when you look back one month later. i don't hope to give up on a friendship that i cherish a lot, but at the same time, i think , the only way to prevent myself from sinking deeper is by giving up this very friendship that i treasure a lot.how la how.

on the other hand, i received a belated birthday gift from my bunch of crazy friends. that's my best birthday gift ever so far :):):) i love love love love love love love love X10000000 the video sooooooooooooo much. i can't believe i am so stupid that i didnt realise my friends have been going around to record down bday wishes from different people for me. thank you so much! i really appreciate it a lot:)

and and and, happy brithday to another cute cheerful october baby, hoay :)

birthday

first cake from mom:):):)

Happy 21st birthday to me :)

early celebration with friends on friday nite and had loads of fun, eventhough i was so so tired after that. it all started with a lie that i am going to go fishing with rm before the dinner. haha, instead of fishing, i went over to his place and bake my very own birthday cake :) so, we created stories on how big was the fish and everything, and all of them believed our stories :P thereafter, we had really nice dinner. i love kaki corner :) and after the meal, they wanted to surprise me and rm pretended to 'pakat' with them but at the same time he was messaging me about the their plan when i was only sitting beside him. it was just so funny that i couldnt stop laughing when i recalled back now. so, he carried out the cake and as planned, i was supposed to act surprise and follow along:P only after blowing the candle that we revealed the whole plan to them. i just cant forget their shocked look. haha.
dinner

homebaked cake by me and rm

revealing our lies :P

kaki corner:)

and after the dinner, we went over to starhill as the atmosphere there is really nice. we took lots of pic there and had a drink at lecka lecka. played some really really 'stressful' game there and many secrets are revealed. i shall not elaborate more. and and and, after that, we had second round of drinking at my place. i drank few shots of vodka but surprisingly, i was not showing any single sign of drunk. haha. didnt know my tolerance level is so high :)in starhill

the girls :)

the guys

second day , after only sleeping 1++ hour, i went to times sq to meet up with yy,jh,wp,yf. we had lunch and walk around the mall. i went back home early because i was really really exhausted but it was really nice catching up with them after so long :)

and on my birthday itself, what did i do? i sign up for a 12km run organised by newbalance. when i told my secondary sch friends that i am taking part in that, they were so surprised because i hate running last time. anyway, i am really proud of myself because i managed to complete the 12km within 1hour45mins and won myself a medal for that :) it just proves that anything is possible if you really tried hard enough. side note, my friend stick a note 'today is my birthday' on the back of my shirt and i am supposed to run with that throughout the 12km. imagine, along the road, there are so many strangers wishing myself happy birthday. it was quite embarassing, but come to think of it,i really appreciate the birthday wishes:)21 cupcakes from wy :)

i ran with that for the 12km!

m207:)


medal, note the date on it :)

i really want to thank my friends for the wonderful birthday dinner and celebrations. and also thankyou for those people for took an effort to message me on facebook or phone. and not forgetting izzat that called me sharp 12am and hamsap mus that called me all the way from canada! thankyou so much!a collage that hy made for me :) i love it!

i was told that i am quite quiet/emo during the bday celebrations and on my bday itself. i have no idea why, but i just cant force myself to be happy. and ytd, i was just so sad over something that someone said to me. it is something that i should have already known for very long, just that i was in denial state all along. but, i told myself, i can't continue to sink deeper, i will learn to stand up independantly.

the sun rise on 12october 2008 :)

Fishing

my first ever fishing experience :)

i have always thought that fishing is a very boring hobby. i have decided to learn it because i need to train my patience. but but but, this fishing experience really changed my opinion. from baiting to casting, it was really interesting:) i like the baiting part especially because i get to pierce the worms with the hook. hehe. ya ya ya, i am cruel.

we, or rather rm managed to catch 5 fishes that morning, but we released 4 of them and kept one for our lunch. hehe, oh, i love eating fish :) i have yet to catch any fish of my own yet, but i am confident that i'll get one the next time we go fishing. now, i am still trying to perfect my casting skills.

first fish for the morning, we actually caught it in less than 10mins

fishy fish

the real master and the third fish

lunch :)

the pond which houses so many fish, oh, notice the magnificent sunrise :)

joke of the day:
me: i think fishes should go for lessons so that they won't get caught so easily.
rm: ya, they do. coz fishes always swim in schools.
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Phuket :)

i am back from phuket :) except for the fact that it is overcrowded with tourists and too commercialized, the island is awesome :) i am so totally in love with the scenery there.

besides the mandatory shopping, we went sight seeing around the famous Phi phi island and Maya bay. and there, i had my first snorkelling experience. we were just given the gadgets and told that we can get down the sea whenever we are ready. oh boy , the sea is not just knee height, it is sooo deep. however, i don't know whether its considered as lucky or unlucky, i was 'dragged' to a place that is far away from the cruise by a cruise crew. actually what happened was that i was holding on to a float, and without me realising, the thai guy was actually dragging the float further and further away from the cruise. i was so scared because we were so far away from the cruise and the sea is so deep. but, there, i managed to see some really pretty corals:) by the time we swam back to the cruise, everyone else has already changed back to dry cloths, because i was the last to get up the cruise. haha. but, i really have to thank the crew for i wouldn't have the chance to see those nice pretty corals.

i also went for my first ever thai massage. it was not as painful as i have expected, in fact it was really soothing and comfortable :) just that when the person was massaging, there are crackling sound here and there. funny.

the trip was quite fun, my only regret is that i couldn't speak or understand thai language. or else i could have bargain better when i was buying stuff =P

viking cave

Long beach, where they shoot the movie, 'the beach'

family pic :)

lobster!

Mcd's pork burger :D

'' there are so many languages in the world, but only smile speaks them all :) ''