power of healing

do doctors have the power of healing? i duno. embarking on this medical journey makes me think of many things. people always say doctors make a great contributions to the society, by saving lives. but many of times doctors can't do anything but to raise a the flag to surrender to some disease, best example would be late stage cancers.

when i was in kkb, i can't forget the way the family of the patient look at me. the look that says: ' please help us" , " we really need you". but there i was, standing there helplessly. can't do anything but staring at the ill patient. i really want to help, but now i do not have the ability yet. the feeling is just depressing.

but next time, when i have gotten my own license, to stand at the frontline, will i still be as helpless? i guess i will feel even worse if i can't do anything but to let the life slip off my hand like that.

am i prepared for all this? facing deaths every single day? treating death like eating? certifying death like reading newspaper? breaking news to the patient's family like telling a story? detaching myself from feeling anything at all?

i know one day, i will be numb with all this. but i guess, when that time comes, it is just plain sad. that i no longer have feelings for death. but i have to be desensitised with this, or else i will suffer.

i can't let patient die because of my mistake, or because i am lack of the knowledge. that's something that my friend said. its very true. getting good results now doesnt guarantee that one will be a good doctor, but to be a good doctor, you first must have the very basic knowledge. so conclusion?

S-T-U-D-Y!

KKB

i am back from kuala kubu baru, or the kiri kanan bukit.haha. i wasn't actually posted to there for rotation this semester but then i just went over during the weekend for the waterfall trip :) but but but, the funny thing is that i didn't even get to go to the waterfall and the pasar malam. instead i spent most of the time at A&E department in kkb hospital and got to see really interesting cases.

first delivery that i get to witnessed makes me appreciate my mom more. the pain is really really really really really unbearable. eventhough i wasn't the one giving birth, i can really feel the pain. i can feel it when the needle was piercing the woman's perianal region. it is just something that you cannot describe with words. but i guess, the woman's pain is not wasted, as a new life was brought to this world and it is the laughter, smile or maybe even the cry of the baby that keeps the woman holding on. i got the chance to hold the baby. i feel so motherly for the second :P and we were saying that we should bring all those teenagers out there who are ignorant about all sexual contraceptives to witness a child birth. that should scare them enough. but i am thinking, why not bring those kanasai people who never appreciate their parents for bringing them to this world, for raising them up, shedding sweats, tears and even blood in the process. that would really slap them awake.

besides serious work, i also went fishing. but this time round, it was night fishing. a totally new experience. rm brought us to a bridge and there we can see so many anglers there, waiting patiently for their next day's lunch/dinner to hook on. when i got down the car, i can really feel the peace in my mind. it just reminds me of the time when we were high up on the peak of the mountain. so calm. so peaceful. and we can hear the waterfall from far vividly. what more with a nice moonlight and thousands of stars.ah, bliss.

we stayed there for the whole night to next morning and almost freze to death the night but it was all worth it. the view in the morning was just AWESOME. i was really smiling inside and outside, something that is missing in me for soooo long. it's not a smile that i have to fake out, that i have to send impulses to cerebral cortex and control my lips muscles to contract and there forms a smile. its just so natural. i feel happy from deep within. and i really miss the feeling.

although we didn't get to go to the waterfall, we spent time at the downstream. it was equally fun:) i guess, its not about the place, but more of the company. hanging out with all guys is not a bad thing afterall, except the dirty jokes part.haha. i was so entertained by the boys musical perfomance(for more than one hour!!!!!!!). and not forgetting the illegal thing that they did, i shall not mention it outloud here. but the experince was truly memorable. i really love u guys, Dr B, rm,kj, cw :):):)

AWESOME scenery:)

the AWESOME guys :)

lastly, THE jump :)

there is this feeling that i have never felt before. it was just so comfortable. i have never felt this way in my life. i just hope time can be stopped at that moment. but to enjoy all this, i know i am sacrificing so many other things. so many things that i have neglected. and i am making myself sinking deeper and deeper. but dun get it wrong, i am not emo-ing. because i enjoyed it, and everyone deserves to enjoy what he/she wants right? :)

bye to the days with home cooked food. bye to the days with nice bed which i can hibernate on.

6 weeks to eos. 6 weeks to new year. 1week to gombak hospital rotation. and 0 day to back in vista.

argh. i have trouble deciding whether i should do my electives in sg or back in msia.

i gained weight like nobody's business after 2 weeks of 'inactivity'.

and i am still feeling as kanasai as ever :(

this post is totally random. i know. sorry.

changes

as we grow older, we change, both physically and mentally. one very fine example is that when we were young, we used to hate green veggie a lot ( at least for me). and we refused to take all those green veggie no matter how hard the adults try to persuade us. i am sure in our mind will be full of questions like why do they kept asking us to eat the disgusting veggie? and why do they have to force themselves to eat the veggie when its not nice? but look, when we grow older, we start to appreciate these green veggie. and we take it even when no one is there forcing us to take. why the difference? its because we have CHANGEd with time. this is a very true fact that i have not realised until a friend of mine mentioned it that day.

yes. we have all changed as we grow older. and these changes are inevitable. it's impossible for us to grow without changing. and with all these changes, it is important to maintain our identity, our principles, and our focus of life. but it is just so hard.

and looking at the people around us changing, will we able to accept their changes? can our perceptions for one another change as we all change with time? can you accept your friend if he/she turns out to be someone that is very different from who you thought he/she was?

the experiences that we are going through are something that are shaping our thoughts. it is from these experiences that we can learn and change to be a better person. going through so many things may be tough, but without these experiences, we won't be able to grow up.

but sometimes, talking to people who have gone through many things in life is very useful as well. we can always gain priceless life experiences from them and learn from their mistakes. it is always wiseful to learn from other people's mistakes because we do not have time to commit so many mistakes. thus, talking to some people for one hour is sometimes worth a lifetime's experience :)

i just came back from johor. looking at my grandparents, i really want to do something for them, at least some small little things. but i just do not know how. the other day when i was jogging in the park, i saw one old lady walking there with the daughter. and she was holding tightly to the daughter's hand. i don't know why, but at the very moment, i was so touched by the very scene. when we are young and can't walk properly, our parents guide us patiently until the day we can walk independantly on our own. and similarly, when our parents grow old, it is our responsibility to guide and help them when they couldn't walk properly. why there are so many people out there who complain complain and complain about their parents, and treat them like a burden. have they forgotten who are the one who guided them properly when they couldn't walk? have they forgotten who are the one who fed them when they couldnt' eat by themselves? have they forgotten who are the one who cleaned them up when they couldn't shower by themselves? so why the complaints now when they have to return the favour for the very same person who did the exact same things for them 30/40 years ago? 'money not enough2' by jack neo is really a good and worth watching production. it really portrays what is happening in today's world.it has touched my heart, and i hope it will do the same to many many sons and daughters out there.

perhaps, to understand your parents' love, you must first raise children yourself. i don't quite agree with this though.

exam

exam is over, but the engine must still be on, for there is one giant monster awaiting us end of december. till then, i must keep moving and moving.

the paper was horritable...but, after the exam i was so happy because of a ridiculous reason.i realised i've been using the word 'ridiculous' and 'kanasai' quite a lot lately. that's because i really really feel that way.

sometimes, there are so many 'should's in life. like i SHOULD be doing this, i SHOULD be feeling this, i SHOULD be at another place...so many shoulds. our actions are not normally portrayed by we are feeling/innermost thoughts, or put in another way. there are many of times that we are not doing things that we really want. but we are influenced by what we SHOULD do or what we are EXPECTED to do and thus, the things that we are doing are normally a big contrary to what we are feeling. is this considered as hypocrisy?

there is one very wise line that i learn from cf that day. 'there are many talented and gifted people in today's world, what we really need are deep people' true enough, how many people in today's world are actually deep thinker? how many people actually have the time to slow down and really think through and reflect on their life, how many people who actually really look at the mistakes that they have done and learn from it?

and for this reason, i am going back to my hometown for the week before rotation posting for a retreat, or perhaps soul retreat. it is time for me to sit down quietly and talk to my soul and my innermost thoughts.

kk, this is getting very serious. few LAME jokes to share here. this is what medical students came out with when they are stressed during exams.

why did the tortoise cross the road?
because it wanted to get to the SHELL station.

what is the lamest part of the body?
hypothaLAMEST (hypothalamus - a part in the brain)

what is the most masculine part of the body?
bundle of HIS ( in the heart)

what pathological condition only affects woman?
HERnia (nia to be pronounced in hokkien slang)

what is the funniest part of the body?
humerus - a bone

where can you see mickey mouse in your body?
disney (this-knee)

where do you see old man turning in your body?
omentum (old man turn)

which disease only affects woman who are very bouncy?
hirshprung disease ( HER spring/sprung)

who is pacman's brother?
parietal cell in the stomach (look at the picture of pariental cell and you will know why)

and the lamest...
what do u get when u spell megakaryocyte wrongly?
or u can rephrase the question as...where do you see giant kairou in your body?
mega KAIROU site...

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA...i know ...sweat...but this is what keeps me going for this exam , in replacement of something else.sigh. i know this way of coping with the problem is very unhealthy for both parties, but but....i don't know.

post exam. time to relax. xy said that day, actually we are really lucky and blessed. our life is just to study, the only thing that we should be worried about is study study and study. after exam we can go enjoy all we want. unlike our parents, who have to worry about so many things, work, household matters, financial, children...shouldn't we be grateful? ya, we should.

thank you

thank youss directed to different people :)

thank you so much for reminding me that i need to take care of myself, because i am responsible for myself. no one else is obliged to do so. hope you are really alright:) and i am really really glad that the decision that i have made few months back seem to be leading to a positive outcome. i guess, life is just like double edged sword. we can't have good things at both world. glad that everything is alright now :)

thank you for the message. sorry for always burdening u with all my problems.

so long as there is breath within me,
i will persist.
for now i know one of the greatest principles of success,
if i persist long enough,
i will win.

thank you for the orange.

thank you for understanding whatever that i am feeling. it's freaky that u know my innermost thoughts eventhough i didn't express it out to anyone.


thank you for being there for me.


thank you ( you you you you and you) for everything.

swim

this morning, i woke up early and have the sudden urge to go swim. so there i am, swimming in the pool all by myself early in the morning. i have long forgotten this feeling of swimming freely in the water. ah, i love swimming, except for the swimming experience in phuket(urgh). i used to swim quite frequently when i was in secondary school. its the second sports that i like besides table tennis :)

and just like running, i think a lot when i swim. haha, i think, basically i think a lot all the time recently, thats why i can't really concentrate when i am studying. sigh. anyway, i came out with some really meaningful line. i don't know anyone else has came out with it before me or if there is grammatical errors with it, but i think its just so meaningful.

leave the past, live YOUR present, and lift the future :)

live the life the way you want it, because ultimately it is YOUR life. no one else is responsible for it. so, am i living the life that i want? i don't know. because till now, i myself is not sure of what kind of life i want.

marathon

life is just like a marathon. you have to keep going and going and going. it is different from running around the park, where u can just quit halfway when u feel tired. for marathon, u just have to move forward because there is no turning back. u may feel tired, u may feel like giving up, u may ask yourself why are u running this race that seems to be endless. but at the end of the day, when u reach the finishing line, u will feel so proud of yourself that u achieved something. same applies to life. something great cannot be achieved unless we have suffered. as we are running this marathon of life, we should always think that we are not alone. there are so many thousands people are running as well. they are facing the same giant that u are facing.if they can do it, why cant u?

the above philosophy is something precious that i have learnt from a friend. its just so amazing that we can compare life with a marathon. and just like another friend of mine, i think a lot when i am running, either in the park or during a race. running can grant u a peace of mind and ya, that's why i have been running a lot lately :)

i have so much to say to you. but i just lost the courage to face you. i am sorry.

fall for you

i love love love this song :)

Fall for you- secondhand serenade

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind

Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you's impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start

i won't forget the night when u sang this song. i know it was not intended for me, but this song brought back so many sweet memories :)

happy

happy is a choice.

this is something that wy said in the video. of course i know that. everyone wants to be happy. if happy is a choice, why are there still sad people out there? i don't think anyone would want to be sad if they can choose to be happy.

i am doing something that is making myself sad. very sad in fact. i can't foresee the consequences of this action. but i do hope that it will be a positive outcome. but going at this rate, i wonder how long more can i withstand.

sometimes, i hate myself for not appreciating whatever that i have, but instead kept focusing on things that i do not have.
i complain about vista, the apartment that i stay in now, when there are so many homeless people out there wanting to get a shelter.
i complain about imu, when there are so many people out there who do not even have the opportunity to go to school.
i complain that i am not a good speaker, when there are so many people are born mute, not able to communicate even a single word to their loved ones.
i complain that i am not a good runner, when there are so many people out there who are wheel chair bound, bed-ridden and cant even go to the place they want without other people's help.

i complain about so many things. but never learn to appreciate the small things that i have. i think one of the key to happiness is to be grateful with whatever that we have and work hard for something that we want. i believe in fate.

if it belongs to you, it will be yours eventually.

change

Things change pretty fast eh. this is not the first time i have this feeling. sometimes, you feel like you know someone very well, well enough that you thought that you understand whatever that he/she is thinking, well enough that you thought that whatever problems that arise between both of you can be overcome easily, well enough that there is no secret/lies between both of you.

and just when you thought so, reality proves you wrong. its just feel like the person that you thought you know very well suddenly becomes a complete stranger, that you don't understand him/her at all, that you feel betrayed by the very person that you trusted a lot.

it is just so sad that sometimes a friendship is affected just by some minor things. some small things that won't even matter at all when you look back one month later. i don't hope to give up on a friendship that i cherish a lot, but at the same time, i think , the only way to prevent myself from sinking deeper is by giving up this very friendship that i treasure a lot.how la how.

on the other hand, i received a belated birthday gift from my bunch of crazy friends. that's my best birthday gift ever so far :):):) i love love love love love love love love X10000000 the video sooooooooooooo much. i can't believe i am so stupid that i didnt realise my friends have been going around to record down bday wishes from different people for me. thank you so much! i really appreciate it a lot:)

and and and, happy brithday to another cute cheerful october baby, hoay :)

birthday

first cake from mom:):):)

Happy 21st birthday to me :)

early celebration with friends on friday nite and had loads of fun, eventhough i was so so tired after that. it all started with a lie that i am going to go fishing with rm before the dinner. haha, instead of fishing, i went over to his place and bake my very own birthday cake :) so, we created stories on how big was the fish and everything, and all of them believed our stories :P thereafter, we had really nice dinner. i love kaki corner :) and after the meal, they wanted to surprise me and rm pretended to 'pakat' with them but at the same time he was messaging me about the their plan when i was only sitting beside him. it was just so funny that i couldnt stop laughing when i recalled back now. so, he carried out the cake and as planned, i was supposed to act surprise and follow along:P only after blowing the candle that we revealed the whole plan to them. i just cant forget their shocked look. haha.
dinner

homebaked cake by me and rm

revealing our lies :P

kaki corner:)

and after the dinner, we went over to starhill as the atmosphere there is really nice. we took lots of pic there and had a drink at lecka lecka. played some really really 'stressful' game there and many secrets are revealed. i shall not elaborate more. and and and, after that, we had second round of drinking at my place. i drank few shots of vodka but surprisingly, i was not showing any single sign of drunk. haha. didnt know my tolerance level is so high :)in starhill

the girls :)

the guys

second day , after only sleeping 1++ hour, i went to times sq to meet up with yy,jh,wp,yf. we had lunch and walk around the mall. i went back home early because i was really really exhausted but it was really nice catching up with them after so long :)

and on my birthday itself, what did i do? i sign up for a 12km run organised by newbalance. when i told my secondary sch friends that i am taking part in that, they were so surprised because i hate running last time. anyway, i am really proud of myself because i managed to complete the 12km within 1hour45mins and won myself a medal for that :) it just proves that anything is possible if you really tried hard enough. side note, my friend stick a note 'today is my birthday' on the back of my shirt and i am supposed to run with that throughout the 12km. imagine, along the road, there are so many strangers wishing myself happy birthday. it was quite embarassing, but come to think of it,i really appreciate the birthday wishes:)21 cupcakes from wy :)

i ran with that for the 12km!

m207:)


medal, note the date on it :)

i really want to thank my friends for the wonderful birthday dinner and celebrations. and also thankyou for those people for took an effort to message me on facebook or phone. and not forgetting izzat that called me sharp 12am and hamsap mus that called me all the way from canada! thankyou so much!a collage that hy made for me :) i love it!

i was told that i am quite quiet/emo during the bday celebrations and on my bday itself. i have no idea why, but i just cant force myself to be happy. and ytd, i was just so sad over something that someone said to me. it is something that i should have already known for very long, just that i was in denial state all along. but, i told myself, i can't continue to sink deeper, i will learn to stand up independantly.

the sun rise on 12october 2008 :)

Fishing

my first ever fishing experience :)

i have always thought that fishing is a very boring hobby. i have decided to learn it because i need to train my patience. but but but, this fishing experience really changed my opinion. from baiting to casting, it was really interesting:) i like the baiting part especially because i get to pierce the worms with the hook. hehe. ya ya ya, i am cruel.

we, or rather rm managed to catch 5 fishes that morning, but we released 4 of them and kept one for our lunch. hehe, oh, i love eating fish :) i have yet to catch any fish of my own yet, but i am confident that i'll get one the next time we go fishing. now, i am still trying to perfect my casting skills.

first fish for the morning, we actually caught it in less than 10mins

fishy fish

the real master and the third fish

lunch :)

the pond which houses so many fish, oh, notice the magnificent sunrise :)

joke of the day:
me: i think fishes should go for lessons so that they won't get caught so easily.
rm: ya, they do. coz fishes always swim in schools.
-.- -.- -.- -.- -.- -.- -.- -.- -.- -.- -.-

Phuket :)

i am back from phuket :) except for the fact that it is overcrowded with tourists and too commercialized, the island is awesome :) i am so totally in love with the scenery there.

besides the mandatory shopping, we went sight seeing around the famous Phi phi island and Maya bay. and there, i had my first snorkelling experience. we were just given the gadgets and told that we can get down the sea whenever we are ready. oh boy , the sea is not just knee height, it is sooo deep. however, i don't know whether its considered as lucky or unlucky, i was 'dragged' to a place that is far away from the cruise by a cruise crew. actually what happened was that i was holding on to a float, and without me realising, the thai guy was actually dragging the float further and further away from the cruise. i was so scared because we were so far away from the cruise and the sea is so deep. but, there, i managed to see some really pretty corals:) by the time we swam back to the cruise, everyone else has already changed back to dry cloths, because i was the last to get up the cruise. haha. but, i really have to thank the crew for i wouldn't have the chance to see those nice pretty corals.

i also went for my first ever thai massage. it was not as painful as i have expected, in fact it was really soothing and comfortable :) just that when the person was massaging, there are crackling sound here and there. funny.

the trip was quite fun, my only regret is that i couldn't speak or understand thai language. or else i could have bargain better when i was buying stuff =P

viking cave

Long beach, where they shoot the movie, 'the beach'

family pic :)

lobster!

Mcd's pork burger :D

'' there are so many languages in the world, but only smile speaks them all :) ''

orientation

a bit late..but i really love our orientation committee:) true enough, as what the theme reflects, too past too futurious. time flies, orientation is finally over, including my charity home visit presentation :)

and yes, the crazy week is over as well. mock osce, moral exam, first week of GI (gastrointestinal system). ah! i cant believe i was so stresssed over the osce. thankfully my question was quite easy, just normal chest examination for both cvs and respi system.

happy=)

cutie pie is happy because:

*queen bought her a green tea+red bean cake =)
*of something that happened during imu cup finale =)
*she played badminton today=)
*holiday is coming, and most importantly, she is looking forward to the family trip=)
*cant wait for all the nice nyummy tomyam,spicy food in phuket=)
*cant wait to have a break after all the crazy weeks-orientation,haemato,osce.
*she likes her new facilitator

cutie pie is sad because:
* of something. bleh. bleh. bleh.

happiness>sadness =) =) =)

something that my new facilitator told us today really motivated me, she told us that life will be like hell after we graduated. it is nothing comparable to now. but once you get through it, you will feel so proud of yourself. this really reminds me of the pre-u days in singapore which is like hell. but yet, i still miss those days, because i am really proud of myself for being able to stand strong and went through the tough period.so now, i tell myself, i can and i will sail through medical school=)

imu cup finale marks the end of imu cup. i lost the only game that i played for my batch-table tennis. heh, but it was nice playing tabletennis again after so long. on the hand, m206 cheerleading was really fantabulous. but but but, my batch's cheerleading is equally awesome as well=) some pictures that i took during imu cup finale.

nah, those are not my medals,i am just posing=P ( i love my jersey!)

look at the awesome cheerleaders=)

my ex roomate,jingwen

me, jimmy, jeannie

me,rm,jimmy,lm

orientation videos

watch these videos, and spot for me:)
welcoming
part1
part2
part3

there are always two ways to look at things. the other day during a lecture, dr skc mentioned that after a drug therapy, the patient survived for two days. this is how an optimist will describe it. while a pessimist will describe it as the patient died after two days. hmmph. interesting!

this week is a crazy week. clinical skills practises, table tennis practise, blood bank visit, charity home visit, pbl, csu. there is no time to catch up the piled up notes at all. my goodness. i am so lagging behind for hematology. i used to like this system a lot in foundation1, but now, sigh. i just cant force those long complicated terms into my head. who cares about idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura when man hasn't even discovered the cause yet. yada yada yada.

anyway, we had table tennis practise yesterday =) i miss the time in mcnair where table tennis table is just so near that we can play whenever we want. i miss the time when i play with sj, who is sarawak state player. i miss the time when we used to play at hc. i miss the time in secondary school when i was the captain for the table tennis team ( eventhough i am not the best player). i miss the time when we play in a classroom during primary school, even when the table is only 3 legged. i really want to improve my skills. but there is just so little time, and i still couldn't find anyone that is patient enough to teach me. but but but, i will be playing for my batch next monday because we are lacked of players.

clinical skills practise. we had few practises this week. i think i am very robotic. somehow, it's just very hard to show concern towards simulated patient because they are all healthy individuals like us. and i still have troubles locating for apex beat and JVP. sigh sigh sigh. more practise!

i found a picture that i like a lot. somehow, i think i look really contented in this picture. it was taken at gunung dato, a hike i went during may holidays =)

2.9.08

hopes come with letting go. jeannie pointed to me this line the other day when we were choosing dvd at ss2. it doesn't make sense. how can hopes come with letting go. shouldn't we be more proactive and grab whatever opportunities that are infront of us? but i really want to let go something, and at the same time give up something else. yea, i know, girls are complicated.

anyway, the past one week had been hectic. exhausted-tired-fatigue. icebreaker-mass dance- treasure hunt- telematch. but so far so good. all the events were successfully carried out as planned :) just that, it is really very unhealthy to eat mamak for three consecutive days at around midnite.

the uncool M208 orientation committee =P

imu cup football, our batch got into finals by beating m107 with a score of 7-1 =) and the finals was yesterday. they managed to score 2-2 during the game but are defeated later in the penalty round. anyway, it was a good game. congrats to the guys.

so, do hopes come with letting go? i wonder. today is a significant day. a day that i shall remember forever.

scar

" Scar Tissue has no character. It's not like skin. It doesn't show age or illness or pallor or tan. It has no pores, no hair, no wrinkles. It's like a slipcover. It shields and disguises what's beneath. That's why we grow it, we have something to hide."
- Susanna Kaysen, Girl Interrupted

some people like to conceal their sadness/anger behind a great wall. they feel that crying is a sign of weakness and thus hold their tears even when they are really really in grief. i guess, i am like this. ever since i grow up, i rarely cry in front of other people. people that have seen me tearing before are like less than ten.

and now, whenever i feel sad, i can't cry. i know that i will feel better after i cry, but i just can't. the feeling is horrible. i think accumulation of all these sadness is really toxic. it is just like smoking, silently killing one person.

someone once said to me, learn to love yourself before you love others. but the question is how? i guess before i find out the answers, i am not qualified to love someone else yet.

sometimes, certain problems are just like the annoying flies. it will just keep bugging you, whether you like it or not, it will follow you wherever you go. i can't believe it, something has been disturbing me for almost half a year and i haven't found a way to solve it. it is really killing me. but somehow, i just let myself sink deeper and deeper into a dark-never-ending-hole. i need help. i need someone to tell me what to do. the sad fact is i know no one can help me, besides myself.

tralala~

cvs( cardiovascular) and respi exam is finally over. frankly, i think this is the most unprepared exam that i have ever sit for. i would say that the exam is not a tough one, but it is definitely a different one, more clinical based and the format is totally very different. under stressful condition, it is just so hard to answer the questions in such a short period of time. imagine, every 5 minutes, there will be buzzer/alarm, and you have to put aside the questions that you are answering and change to next set of questions. the funny thing is, the answer for the first part of the question may be in the second par. but you cannot go back to the first part after the buzzer. i guess, it is part of the training for us to respond fast and accurately.

anyway, i am now back in kuantan. missing out lots of stuff, just because i have to settle and replace all the documents that i lost. bleh. i want to learn mass dance. i want to meet the OOs. i want to watch imu cup volleyball/ football/ basketball match! i can't wait till monday when the new batch of juniors are coming in.

i hope this orientation will be a successful one, with all of us committee working together, to bring out a fun fun fun orientation for the new batch of students. although the following two weeks will be tiring + dirty, but i really can't wait for it :) and my event, charity home visit will be the last event for the orientation. but i think it will be the most fun, or rather most meaningful one. hehe. perasan!

yep yep yep. i am really excited.

and it has been one year since i entered imu. 20.8.2008. haha. one year since i know so many great people. one year since i have stepped into med school. and i can say, i have changed so much in this one year. ah well. 4 more years to go.

life in medical school is not an easy one. but i guess, all these problems are the 'stimulants' that stimulate me to grow up and work harder. one friend told me the other day, problems always seem to be bigger when it is infront, and it will be insignificant when it is at the back/or when it has already passed. thanks for always being there for me. even after what had happened, i am really happy to know that you still care about me. i just want to let you know that i really appreciate you, in the past and now =)

happy birthday!

happy birthday to JUN HUI and SHU YING :) :) :) surprisingly, two person that share the same birth date are studying in the same place, err, not exactly same, but at least same country and same state :)

junhui :)

shuying! :)

junhui, happy birthday to your brother too =P anyway, hope that you enjoyed the surprise that we prepared.

shuying, regardless where u are, hope u enjoy your big day and dun forget our promise after my exam ok :) remember to come back next year/next next year to claim your birthday present yea. hehe.

alright. a series of unfortunate events have taken place. bad day? yep, but i am trying to be strong. i know i can do it. and yes, someone up there knows that i can do it, that's why i was challenged this way.

天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身

ok, i am just trying hard to be optimistic. anyway, i believe, there is always a reason behind everything that happened.

good.bad.normal.

Appreciation.

bad days,
everyone has it. when we are going through it, we complain, we blame, we are not happy.

good days,
we enjoy them. but most of the time, we take them for granted. and sometimes we even complain that it passed to fast.

normal days,
we call them monotonous, boring.

Gratitude.
Be thankful for what you have, instead of complaining of what you don't have.

eggs

'' Recent research has shown that moderate egg consumption—up to one a day—does not increase heart disease risk in healthy individuals and can be part of a healthy diet.''

more : http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/what-should-you-eat/eggs/

yay to eggs :) i just love eating eggs, hard boiled, half boiled, fried, steam, scrambled, tomato eggs.. anything to do with eggs!

but i am just too lazy to cook. i just miss the days when we have eggs every morning for breakfast in mcnair =P

no, correction, i just miss home cooked food. ah!

random thoughts

ask yourself this question, will this matter a year from now?

i just love this quote when i first read it. but does that mean that we shouldn't care too much about things?

food for thought!

sorry

Oh I had alot to say
Was thinking on my time away
I miss you and things weren't the same
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
I'm sorry i'm bad, i'm sorry i'm blue
I'm sorry about all the things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back.

Sorry~Buckcherry

somehow i just kept listening to this song recently. nope, i am not emo. i promised myself not to emo anymore. there are so many beautiful things in life waiting for us to be appreciated, why emo?

sunset that i captured in genting:)

did i mention that i just love the view of sunset and sunrise. just like waterfall, it gives me the serenity and makes me realize how beautiful our life can be :)

i know u wont be reading this, but here wishing u a blessed and happy birthday :)

change

The only constant is change.

Met up with many old friends recently. and many of them said that i have changed, in a positive way fortunately. I may not have realised the change, but if everyone says so, something in me must have been different.

sociable. optimistic. cheerful.

Do i really have all these qualities now?

optimistic? yes. many incidents that happened early this year have woken me up. life is too short for us to be wasted on being sad, or regretting on things that have yet to be done. i guess now, i don't get frustrated easily as last time. half a year has passed, going through all these incidents and letting them go is not easy. but, i grow up and learn a lot from all these experiences.

ice kacang, chocolates, park, jogging, sleeping, friends. they are my source of happiness now. losing something or rather someone that i love is heartbreaking, but i am grateful that i have earned many many other priceless things after that :)

you don't need to have the best of everything to be happy. to be happy, you just need to make the best out of everything that you have. and the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you cant go forward in life until you have let go your past. i have gained a lot from all this past incidents, it's time to let go. now.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human
and enough hope to make you happy.

Penang-Alor setar- Langkawi

I am back from the 7 days trip :) this time, visiting different places, with different group of friends, but still, is equally fun!!

15-7-08
first morning in penang, dimsum breakfast!! it was fantaliciousss!! i am just so in love with penang food.thereafter, we went to disted college to complete our COP- community oriented project. COP was quick and simple. we managed to finish the survey within half an hour and walk around the college compound to camwhore :P


next stop, ice kacang in new world park. ah, i cant help but to keep praising penang's food. the ice kacang is so nice. everyone just kept asking me whether i am happy or not. haha. my friends just know me well, ice kacang is my source of happiness :) have you seen icekacang with banana and other fruits? no? then you should go penang=)

ice kacang!

next stop, penang birdpark. no, we are not a fan of birds, but out of courtesy, we are 'obliged' to visit the birdpark, because it is owned by our dear friend kingston. haha :P but we did have fun there, learning more about birds :) thanks kingston!!

after the whole afternoon of birding around, we went to autocity to have our dinner at TAO. although our wallet were bleeding after that, it was worth it. the food is heavenly!! it just reminds me of the sakura buffet at orchard after i got alevels results.

on the ferry back to george town

i just cant believe that people still have energy left after the whole day of tripping around penang. right after we got home, WII sessions. it was quite interesting, especially the boxing games, but i was just too tired that i just stone at the side looking at them playing.

16-7-08
Chendol-Asam laksa-hokkien mee-charkuey tiao-horfun soup all in one area. we had all these must-eat-penang-food after visiting kek lok si. oh, did i forget to mention the fantastic nasi lemak breakfast that xinying's ah ma prepared for us. thanks ah ma! ;)

kek lok si

doing the jump :)
famous chendol:)

after all the penang good food, we travel up north to the land of paddy field, where there is rice bank, rice-operated-car, paddy currency. haha, yes, with izzat around, we kept teasing wy about alor setar, even before we arrived there. we had really really nice seafood dinner at the seaside. and after the dinner, we went to the TALLEST building in alor setar, which is the telekom building. heh, it was really nice :) sorry for all the teasing yea, wy!

17-07-08-19-07-08
Langkawi. Langkawi. Langkawi. we were all so excited and looking forward to the beach.sand.sun.chocolates.vodka(for some of them). haha. but before that, the horrible ferry ride. the sea condition was really bad that i had motion sickness and vomitted out my breakfast. after a stop by at kuah town, we finally arrived at berjaya resort, which is so ulu and far from other places in the town. but, the place is awesome.

the next day, we went to oriental village for the cable car ride. i love the colorful buildings there:) scenery up at the hill is beyond words. the blue sky and sea. bliss :)

up next, beach, volley ball, sunset :) i just miss the feelings of the strong waves massaging on the body. so free and relaxing.posing with the batik that we bought :)

20-07-08-21-07-08
after another horrible ferry ride, we finally reached back to penang. yet another round of good food. charcoal char kuey tiao, fantastic western food, rojak :)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

i got tanned. my weight is scary. my wallet is bleeding. but still, i am missing everything of the trip. a big thank you to hoay, wy, xy and yk for all the planning, without which the trip wouldnt be a memorable one :)

We do not remember days; we remember moments.