T minus 1 day for my results.
T minus 3 days before I fly half a globe across to the states.
T minus 13 days before my CS.
Palpitations. Chest tightness. hyperarousability.
Dx: I think I am having panic attack.
Been 3 weeks since I started my CS preparations. Practised with so many people from all over the world via skype, India, Canada, China, Egypt, as well as with my very supportive friends. So practically I have trained myself to understand all different accents, which was kinda interesting.I am thankful for all the help, I definitely learn one thing or two from all of them.
Had lunch with my mentor yesterday. Counting back, I have met him for 4 years, since my attachment in his clinic when I was in second year. Even though it was just a one week clinic attachment, after that we still kept in close contact. He also shared lots of valuable experience with me, brought me to many different international conferences, which were really eye opener for me. Besides, he also kept track on my progress, gave me constant stress which push me to work harder.
At times, I was rather frustrated as some things which he taught may not be up to date, but I stayed quiet. One thing I admire him is his passion for medicine. He still attends medical conference in his area of interest constantly although he is already at the age of retirement. At the age of 70s+, one would expect a relaxing retirement life. Yet, he is still running his clinic and attending all the courses to keep himself updated. You may say its for the money, no. I can assure you its not because of that. from what I observe, he charged patient at the lowest price, and sometimes he even treat some of the patients free of charge. so, I often see rambutans, durians, potatoes, veggies given by the patients as appreciation.
okay, I got distracted. anyways, just sharing my bits of life.
Palpitations. I am praying for the best. Hopefully everything will turn out fine.
Till then, will update after I am back from the states.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Breaking bad news
We doctors learn how to break bad news, in medical school and I am sure it will be one of the question in the communication skills in the specialist exam. We even have mnemonic for it, SPIKES, set up, Perception of the patient before we break the news, Invitation-sort of like the opening before we break the news, Knowledge- that is breaking the news, Emotions/empathy, S-summary and strategy for next step.
Right, so much of theory, especially the empathy part. I guess we will never understand it. We have to say : ''yes, we understand what you are going through, Mrs.. ''But how many really understood the hurricane which is going through in the patient's mind as you unfold the bad news. Not many.
We were even taught stages of accepting death or bad news, namely Denial-->anger ( blaming everybody including the doctor for the misdiagnosis) --> bargain ( bargaining with god) --> depression --> and finally acceptance.
Theory theory theory again.
Recently, there's a doctor in singapore, late Dr Richard Teo, who passed away after battling with stage IV lung CA. It was hard even for him to accept the news initially. The impact, thankfully was positive, his reflections before he passed away has been shared through the media, facebook, and has reminded us a lot of things.
Have a read here if you haven't come across the article yet.
Putting ourselves in others' shoes has never been easy, especially when you are dealing with the human weakest spot - the fear of death.
Right, so much of theory, especially the empathy part. I guess we will never understand it. We have to say : ''yes, we understand what you are going through, Mrs.. ''But how many really understood the hurricane which is going through in the patient's mind as you unfold the bad news. Not many.
We were even taught stages of accepting death or bad news, namely Denial-->anger ( blaming everybody including the doctor for the misdiagnosis) --> bargain ( bargaining with god) --> depression --> and finally acceptance.
Theory theory theory again.
Recently, there's a doctor in singapore, late Dr Richard Teo, who passed away after battling with stage IV lung CA. It was hard even for him to accept the news initially. The impact, thankfully was positive, his reflections before he passed away has been shared through the media, facebook, and has reminded us a lot of things.
Have a read here if you haven't come across the article yet.
Putting ourselves in others' shoes has never been easy, especially when you are dealing with the human weakest spot - the fear of death.
Thursday, November 08, 2012
Motivation
I realised, every now and then, I have days which I am so pumped up to
study, some days which I would just lazed away, the difference is :
motivation. So I went up to youtube to look up for some motivation, and I
found this, and I am currently watching this:
'A simple discipline if repeated everyday, can create a success. ' That is definitely so true, imagine a person trying to lose weight ( that's me, lol), by exercising one day, cutting down on high carb diet for one day, we can see not much of a difference. But if this is practised repeatedly, I am sure there will be a major change.
I remember, last time when I was in JC, I could not even pass my Napha-we have this physical education whereby we need to pass several components in order to get a silver/gold medal. The 2.4km run was a dreaded one. But now, I have been running long distance like 10km, and even 25km once. Ok, can't say I am a superb runner, but I am proud of myself, when I look back now, for taking up the challenge, for having this discipline to train almost everyday.
To be a great doctor, I think first and foremost, I need to have a good health myself. It will be shameful if you walk in the clinic, and you see your doctor coughing away there. So, I try my best at every opportunity to adopt a healthy lifestyle.
As much as knowledge is important, I constantly try to feed my soul with lots of motivational quotes, books, videos. I have also installed few apps on my phone which deliver daily inspirational quote for me.
Lastly, quoting from the video, a question one should ask himself everyday:
'What would the person I would like to be, do what I am about to do?'
If you have never thought of 'what would "I" like to be' , it's time to reflect upon this question, before the year ends.
Sunday, November 04, 2012
Post battle
I am done with my ck! 9 hours with 300+ questions, I felt that my brain was running a marathon, and every moment I gotta ask myself to keep going! Mental stamina is just as important as physical stamina. When I was watching the prep video, the presenter mention, having this exam is just like asking the examinee: ' Do you want to do this' for 300+ times. As each question unfold, you have to tell yourself, YES I want to do this. The 2.5 months odd preparation was not easy. Maybe I felt it was longer coz I was facing this alone, without any batch mate along with me for this journey! But I am thankful for having few friend in the forum to motivate me!
Anyways, the exam is over. Some questions were easy, some were tough. Results will be out in 3 weeks. Anyways, I am just hoping for the best.
Sometimes, I felt I am such an ungrateful brat. Always complaining this that and sometimes even acting very immaturely. But deep inside, I am really really really grateful for what I have. I am thankful for who I am today, for all the people around me. It's just sometimes I can't control my emotions and mouth. haish. And because of all these, I may have unintentionally hurt people around me. I know I have bad temper and I have to change this! I have been listening to podcast whenever when I am traveling on stuff like EQ etc.
Just as I am continuing my journey, I realise it's important for each person to add value to him/herself. We are given 24 hours each, not more not less. It's up to us how we are going to spend the hour, the minute or the second. I am 25 year old and I realised I haven't achieved much over these years. Value, is a very subjective thing. As I am here filling myself with medical knowledge, I realised it's time to give out to the society, with whatever limited knowledge I have.
So, just as I am done with my ck, I filled up the Mercy Malaysia form. I was quite proud of myself for one second, haha. Reason being, last time I used to fill up the column ambition with 'doctor', now for the very first time, I fill the world 'doctor' to the occupation column, for a good cause :)
I guess in my journey of pursuing the ladder of success, in adding a long list to my resume, I need to add value to my soul. I don't want to lose my human touch along the way.
Ok, this post is quite disorgarnised. Anyways, hope everyone's been good! Can't wait to head to the states soon! now back to my CS preparation! Go go go!
Anyways, the exam is over. Some questions were easy, some were tough. Results will be out in 3 weeks. Anyways, I am just hoping for the best.
Sometimes, I felt I am such an ungrateful brat. Always complaining this that and sometimes even acting very immaturely. But deep inside, I am really really really grateful for what I have. I am thankful for who I am today, for all the people around me. It's just sometimes I can't control my emotions and mouth. haish. And because of all these, I may have unintentionally hurt people around me. I know I have bad temper and I have to change this! I have been listening to podcast whenever when I am traveling on stuff like EQ etc.
Just as I am continuing my journey, I realise it's important for each person to add value to him/herself. We are given 24 hours each, not more not less. It's up to us how we are going to spend the hour, the minute or the second. I am 25 year old and I realised I haven't achieved much over these years. Value, is a very subjective thing. As I am here filling myself with medical knowledge, I realised it's time to give out to the society, with whatever limited knowledge I have.
So, just as I am done with my ck, I filled up the Mercy Malaysia form. I was quite proud of myself for one second, haha. Reason being, last time I used to fill up the column ambition with 'doctor', now for the very first time, I fill the world 'doctor' to the occupation column, for a good cause :)
I guess in my journey of pursuing the ladder of success, in adding a long list to my resume, I need to add value to my soul. I don't want to lose my human touch along the way.
Ok, this post is quite disorgarnised. Anyways, hope everyone's been good! Can't wait to head to the states soon! now back to my CS preparation! Go go go!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
inspirations
As the days draw closer, ( t-14days), my adrenaline is pumping more and more. I do care on how I perform on this exam, not only for the money and time spent, also its a good gauge on where do I stand.
Today, as I scroll through facebook as my entertainment, ok, I know my life is boring, anyways, I felt soo proud of my university, seeing juniors winning national awards,reading my batchmates posts on good perfomance in hospital, admiring how my senior completed and winning 100km trail and making a new national record.
Yes, I have met countless inspiring figures along this journey. What we, the mighty mortal can achieve is unimaginable. What was impossible is made possible. All these things never failed to make me stop and reflect, and what human mind can actually achieve.
And I am truly grateful for being able to meet these people, for being my inspiration, for making me believe in miracles.
Yes, I hope to be one inspiration to others, maybe not now, but future, I hope that this journey of mine can help to inspire others. I hope that with the same insane perseverance which I have been pushing myself with these few years, I can achieve a greater height.
May us be the blessings and inspirations to people around us.
Today, as I scroll through facebook as my entertainment, ok, I know my life is boring, anyways, I felt soo proud of my university, seeing juniors winning national awards,reading my batchmates posts on good perfomance in hospital, admiring how my senior completed and winning 100km trail and making a new national record.
Yes, I have met countless inspiring figures along this journey. What we, the mighty mortal can achieve is unimaginable. What was impossible is made possible. All these things never failed to make me stop and reflect, and what human mind can actually achieve.
And I am truly grateful for being able to meet these people, for being my inspiration, for making me believe in miracles.
Yes, I hope to be one inspiration to others, maybe not now, but future, I hope that this journey of mine can help to inspire others. I hope that with the same insane perseverance which I have been pushing myself with these few years, I can achieve a greater height.
May us be the blessings and inspirations to people around us.
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
A new chapter of life
It's october! Been away from the blog for too long. Yes, I have graduated, finally. Although I am slightly disappointed that I couldn't achieve my goal, but well, that's life.
''A champion is defined not by their wins but by how they can recover when they fall.'' Serena William -US Open 2012 champion.
I shall not look back.
Quoting from a friend, we are still considered kindergarten in this journey of medicine. There are much more to come.
and yes, today marks the first day of work for many of my friends! Wherever they are, wish they luck and hopefully with the knowledge which we have acquired in this few years, they will be able to return back to the community!
So what about me? I am choosing another path. Just like the poem by Robert Frost, The Road not Taken, I am taking a far different road, road to the states. Am reading for my steps now, step by step. Taking a baby step each day.
Here's a link to a journal dedicated to my preparations. There are so many many other people out there who are also taking this route, many are mothers of a few, juggling between work, studies and family. So I feel rather 'lucky' to be able to read this step in peace.
http://www.prep4usmle.com/forum/thread/113195/
And yes, 2012, more magical moments to come.
I want the krou of 2013 be able to thank krou of 2012 for making this decision, taking this big step, and to thank krou of 2012 for persevering and working hard. yes. I want to be able to thank myself ( and of course people who have helped me a lot along the way) when I look back.
No regrets. No more.
''A champion is defined not by their wins but by how they can recover when they fall.'' Serena William -US Open 2012 champion.
I shall not look back.
Quoting from a friend, we are still considered kindergarten in this journey of medicine. There are much more to come.
and yes, today marks the first day of work for many of my friends! Wherever they are, wish they luck and hopefully with the knowledge which we have acquired in this few years, they will be able to return back to the community!
So what about me? I am choosing another path. Just like the poem by Robert Frost, The Road not Taken, I am taking a far different road, road to the states. Am reading for my steps now, step by step. Taking a baby step each day.
Here's a link to a journal dedicated to my preparations. There are so many many other people out there who are also taking this route, many are mothers of a few, juggling between work, studies and family. So I feel rather 'lucky' to be able to read this step in peace.
http://www.prep4usmle.com/forum/thread/113195/
And yes, 2012, more magical moments to come.
I want the krou of 2013 be able to thank krou of 2012 for making this decision, taking this big step, and to thank krou of 2012 for persevering and working hard. yes. I want to be able to thank myself ( and of course people who have helped me a lot along the way) when I look back.
No regrets. No more.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
the very last lap
been missing for some time. partly because I have been very much spending 90% of my time typing for the past few months as part of my assignment to graduate. thankful that the period is over. and now is the final lap. going to have my final exam as medical student in two weeks time.
Also realised I have been changing a lot, over the few months, years, without myself realising. gonna need some reflections after my exam.
Can't wait to plan for my trip to the US after exam. also gotta restart my engine for the prep for USMLE.
every second does count.
jiayouuuu, i believe we can achieve whatever we can dream of, if we put in the extra bit of effort. till then, wish me luck!:)
Also realised I have been changing a lot, over the few months, years, without myself realising. gonna need some reflections after my exam.
Can't wait to plan for my trip to the US after exam. also gotta restart my engine for the prep for USMLE.
every second does count.
jiayouuuu, i believe we can achieve whatever we can dream of, if we put in the extra bit of effort. till then, wish me luck!:)
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Life as of now
Life has been very much up and down recently. But I have made a very important decision, one which will affect my life. Standing at this juncture reminded me the time when I was in singapore, to choose to stay or coming back to malaysia. Making decision has never been easy.
But, the situation in back home is really ... I cant find a word to describe this. But I am hoping to get myself trained elsewhere, to be more competent, and hopefully can come home and contribute this place which i call home.
Been reading a few non medical books this few weeks to help myself to make decision. 'Life in three countries, In search of a Home' which describes a doctor's path in searching home, and how he tried so hard but being rejected by his own home country, and finally settling down in another place.
I hope by then time I come home, I will have a better luck. It may seem as an excuse that I am running away now. But to contribute when I am at the bottom of the food chain is not easy. So, I am making a promise here to myself, I will come back, hopefully as a better doctor to help improve the condition back home.
Saying that I want to improve or to contribute to the country may sound very noble or very hypocrytic to some. Perhaps, I can say it is more for a selfish reason. I want to be trained under a structured system. I don't want to be led by a blind, and then blindly leading somebody. why? because we are dealing with lives here.
Trust me, to make this decision to leave home, again, after 7 years away from home is not easy. No words can describe how much I miss home. Looking at my parents when i went home last week, I realised they have aged so much. As I grow up, they are growing old. I once read an article, if you realised that the kitchen in your house is no longer as clean as how it used to be, if you realised your dad's car is not as cleaned as last time, if you realised there are some unrepaired furniture at home, it means your parents are growing old. And, I took time to observe my home during my trip home last week. And true enough, everything at home was different. My mom did not realise my light was not functioning, and she was working under the dimmed light for so long. I cried after the discussion with my parents that I have decided to try my luck to go to the states. But they supported my decision. It was hard, but finally, I have made up my mind.
Yes, I am going to take this exam. And, in the mean time, I may or may not go for housemanship first, depending on my speed of revision. Wish me luck, guys! I really need to do this well.
But, the situation in back home is really ... I cant find a word to describe this. But I am hoping to get myself trained elsewhere, to be more competent, and hopefully can come home and contribute this place which i call home.
Been reading a few non medical books this few weeks to help myself to make decision. 'Life in three countries, In search of a Home' which describes a doctor's path in searching home, and how he tried so hard but being rejected by his own home country, and finally settling down in another place.
I hope by then time I come home, I will have a better luck. It may seem as an excuse that I am running away now. But to contribute when I am at the bottom of the food chain is not easy. So, I am making a promise here to myself, I will come back, hopefully as a better doctor to help improve the condition back home.
Saying that I want to improve or to contribute to the country may sound very noble or very hypocrytic to some. Perhaps, I can say it is more for a selfish reason. I want to be trained under a structured system. I don't want to be led by a blind, and then blindly leading somebody. why? because we are dealing with lives here.
Trust me, to make this decision to leave home, again, after 7 years away from home is not easy. No words can describe how much I miss home. Looking at my parents when i went home last week, I realised they have aged so much. As I grow up, they are growing old. I once read an article, if you realised that the kitchen in your house is no longer as clean as how it used to be, if you realised your dad's car is not as cleaned as last time, if you realised there are some unrepaired furniture at home, it means your parents are growing old. And, I took time to observe my home during my trip home last week. And true enough, everything at home was different. My mom did not realise my light was not functioning, and she was working under the dimmed light for so long. I cried after the discussion with my parents that I have decided to try my luck to go to the states. But they supported my decision. It was hard, but finally, I have made up my mind.
Yes, I am going to take this exam. And, in the mean time, I may or may not go for housemanship first, depending on my speed of revision. Wish me luck, guys! I really need to do this well.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
hello!
Hello from Batu Pahat:) so much have happened since i last posted.
firstly, i passed my final professional exam part 1. and i am really grateful for all the supports, from my parents, and also friends who continuously gave me motivation, especially hwee for her kind words :))
then, the move to this small town called Batu Pahat. it's my 4th week here. slowly, i am adjusting myself to this small town, to the mini imu white house, smaller hospital, and new house environment.
life's crazy so far. facing computer almost like 16 hours a day, i just felt so tired everyday. life is just about portfolio, sleep, eat. somehow, it wasn't as fullfilling as other semesters. I hope its just because i am still not settled down yet.
also, my very hamsap got matched to the programme which she wanted. paediatrician in the house yo! i am so proud of her :)
got my new phone and feel so updated now. lol. the invention is amazing. and i am grateful.
been contemplating much about my life. my future. need to decide fast as we just had our housemanship briefing last week.
living for other people's expectations has never been more tiring. living to please other people is even more tiring.
it's good to make people happy, the first person should be yourself.
firstly, i passed my final professional exam part 1. and i am really grateful for all the supports, from my parents, and also friends who continuously gave me motivation, especially hwee for her kind words :))
then, the move to this small town called Batu Pahat. it's my 4th week here. slowly, i am adjusting myself to this small town, to the mini imu white house, smaller hospital, and new house environment.
life's crazy so far. facing computer almost like 16 hours a day, i just felt so tired everyday. life is just about portfolio, sleep, eat. somehow, it wasn't as fullfilling as other semesters. I hope its just because i am still not settled down yet.
also, my very hamsap got matched to the programme which she wanted. paediatrician in the house yo! i am so proud of her :)
got my new phone and feel so updated now. lol. the invention is amazing. and i am grateful.
been contemplating much about my life. my future. need to decide fast as we just had our housemanship briefing last week.
living for other people's expectations has never been more tiring. living to please other people is even more tiring.
it's good to make people happy, the first person should be yourself.
Friday, January 27, 2012
happy chinese new year!
yes, it's been long.
had my last posting, gynae here in seremban.
2 more weeks its eos 9. yes 2 more weeks! my very last written paper as medical undergraduate.
2 years, i had met many patients, many doctors, seen so many things. all these enriched my journey in this field. yet, there's still so much more to learn.
humility, something which is so important.
i shall work hard for this remaining 2 weeks. i want to end my medical school well and i will try my best to.
yes, go go go!
happy new year and happy chinese new year! may this year brings lots of blessings to us and may we be the blessings to the people around us.
had my last posting, gynae here in seremban.
2 more weeks its eos 9. yes 2 more weeks! my very last written paper as medical undergraduate.
2 years, i had met many patients, many doctors, seen so many things. all these enriched my journey in this field. yet, there's still so much more to learn.
humility, something which is so important.
i shall work hard for this remaining 2 weeks. i want to end my medical school well and i will try my best to.
yes, go go go!
happy new year and happy chinese new year! may this year brings lots of blessings to us and may we be the blessings to the people around us.
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