bought two books at the mph book fair today. one of which by Paulo Coelho, one of my favourite author now. that's my reward after eos5. yay!

am currently reading a very inspirational book by Richard Carlson, given as a birthday gift by a friend. it's something that i turn to when i feel down as i am studying. it gives me the motivation and strength to continue on.

in the midst of preparing exam, everyone is busy with his/her own studies, including myself. but sometimes, i feel lonely. it's like suddenly your motivation will be sucked away. but there's no one to talk to, because everyone is so busy.

so that's when i turn to books. to music. to exercising. to tv. to swimming. to GREEN TEA ice cream ( this is bad, lol) , to walking at the park. i am learning to be independant, to stand up myself when i fall.

sometimes, all one need is just some encouraging words to hang on. i need to hang on. pffft, my immune system is breaking down. the flu is making me dizzy and drowsy for the past few days. but good thing is , i had enough sleep because of that :)

just one more month. one more month.

please remove my papez circuit for now.

there's this box at the right hand corner of facebook homepage. it's the suggestion box.

it says:

write on her wall.

i want to. it takes so much courage out of me just to click on her profile. how i wish she can reply. but i know it's impossible.

i'll fight this battle well. and i will fight it on your behalf as well, my dear friend.

simplicity

i dont't know since when, whenever i have lunch in the cafeteria, i will look at the guy who sells chicken rice at the stall. not that he is good looking or hot (lol) but its that he looks like he is contented with his life ( at least he appears to be) he lead a simple life, and yet he is happy. then i asked myself everytime, do you want to be like that?

many times, the answer is : why not? why bother struggling through this endless route, when you are not happy. but there are times, the answer is , no, because i know i will regret if i settle to anything lesser than what i could have achieve.

but i do envy people who lead a simple life. no worries. no troubles. a friend once shared with me, nowadays, everything is so complicated. everyone can complicate things, but it takes a genius to simplify things.

i read a book, '' A Kite In the Wind'' by Dr Chan Kar Yein not long ago. in that book, she shared bits and pieces about her life, on how she embrace simplicity and travel light in her life. it's not easy to be simple, yet it's not impossible.

i am learning to be simple . i want to be simple. i want a simple life ( selling chicken rice.lol..) but i know i can never be. because then, the person is just not me. but..at least i hope i can be ''simpler'' . having too much baggage, especially emotional baggage is a burden not only to one, but also to the people around you.

''Less is more'' Ludwig Mies van der Rohe

the first step of being simple, is to be grateful with everything that you have. even the small things. and today, i am thankful, not for a small thing, but for one of the treasures in my life. there just isn't any word in the dictionary which i can use to express my gratitude to this person who brought me to the world. she may not be the smartest mom, not the prettiest mom, but to me , she is the most perfect mom that anyone can wish for.

Happy birthday Mom! :)

i know you want me to be happy, and i wish you happiness in everything you do as well.

mooncake festival

it was mid-autumn festival yesterday.

i was invited to my baby-sitter's place for a dinner. so there i was, having dinner at a round table with my baby-sitter's family. a warm hearted family dinner.and at the sudden moment, i miss home so much, miss having dinner with my family, miss the conversations we had over dinner, miss the dessert/fruit after dinner. i miss the feeling of being part of a family.

but i feel grateful, being invited for the dinner, and they welcome me and treated me like part of the family. they even asked me to stay over and promised to bring me out for a nice breakfast the next day.

it has been long since i kept in contact with my baby-sitter. in fact the last time i saw her was the day before i went to kk. and i can't recalled when i last saw her before that.

she took care of me since i was born, up to 3 years old. i was really close to their family before they moved to kl when i was in primary school. besides taking care of me over the weekdays when my mom is working, they will bring me out on some weekends as they really treated me as part of the family. in fact, i call her 'ah ma' just like how her children call her.

soon after her family moved over to kl, i still send cards or letters to one of her daughters occasionally. but soon we lost contact with each other. and during one of my relatives wedding, my baby sitter attended as well, but i didnt get to meet her because i was at singapore that time.

meeting back them back again after so many years, somehow it's hard for me to reconnect back. it takes time perhaps. but i could feel that my baby sitter still care for me as much as how she cared for her own children.

and i feel blessed. blessed to be loved.

people talk about karma. it is the chair of cause and effect. what we did in the past will affect our present and what we are doing now will affect our future. who we are today will be reflected from the deeds we have done last time. if you do good today, you will be blessed in the future.

The Samyutta Nikaya states:

"According to the seed that’s sown,
So is the fruit you reap there from,
Doer of good will gather good,
Doer of evil, evil reaps,
Down is the seed and thou shalt taste
The fruit thereof."

something which i read in The Star today also triggered me to think that bless because you are blessed. do good, because you are blessed, not because you think that you will be blessed in the future. do good, because you are more fortunate than the least fortunate. do good, with good intentions, without any expectation in return of your actions. because good karma doesn't only mean doing good deeds, but also it's the good deeds with the good and correct motivations.

that day, i attended a talk organised by buddhist society. and the dharma speaker started with by asking us to share one thing that we are grateful of in life. as other people are giving their answers, many things came into my mind. and at that moment, i realised i am blessed with many things in life, things which i have always taken for granted.

Bless because you are blessed. and i believe that everyone is blessed in one way or another. it's a matter of whether you realise it, AND appreciate it or not.

someone asked me about buddhism the other day. and i am ashamed to say that i don't know much about my own religion. so now i have another thing to do post-eos, to take some time off to learn more about buddhism.

i always believe that everything happened for a reason. and something that happened on friday made me believe that sometimes, everything is really fated.

fate. do you believe in that? or do you believe that you have the power to change it?