It's been long since I updated my blog.
So much to share.
It's been 4 good months. I completed all my steps, got my ecfmg certified :)
Started working in the very hospital which I was born. One thing for sure, I have learnt a lot not only from my seniors, I have also learnt a lot from my patients. Recalling back, I could not even put in a intravenous line properly without trembling. The palpitations when I had before my first night shift. I am very amazed with how I have progressed.
They said, you have to be grateful for what you have. I have to say, I must be the luckiest person on earth. I have very good superiors who have guided me along the way.
Tiring yes, but everyday, I look forward to go to work. Everyday is a new day for me to learn. The more I learn, the more I realise I am so inadequate.
I dealt with life and death everyday. Seeing patient gasping their last breath is not a good feeling. Pronouncing death was not pleasant. The straight line which we used to see on TV is something I hate to see on the cardiac monitoring after an hour long of resuscitation. But it is unavoidable. It also makes me realise, the difference between being alive and dead is just the breath that you are taking.
I am very honoured, to be able to be so close to someone's life. I will never forget the moment when there was once, relatives of a patient came over to me and shake my hand and thank me after I finished my night shift. I was taking care of this patient for few weeks. His condition was deteriorating so fast that we actually have no idea what disease he was having. At one point, his relatives were giving up, they just want to know the answer. We did dozens of test/scans, still, there was no conclusion. And on that very morning after I pass over my job to my colleague and was about to go home, the patient took his last breath. I didn't know that until the family members came over and thank me. Only then I found out from my colleague that the patient passed away. Still, there was no answer to what he was having. I feel really sad and dissappointed. We were too late. But I could see the patient's family members were really thankful of me.
Being a doctor has been my childhood dream. I dream of wearing the white labcoat, with the pretty stethoscope around my neck, and being called, Doctor. Now, I am a doctor. It wasn't like how I dream. But I am truly happy to be one. And I would say, I have never regretted the days which I spent crying due to the stress in medical school. Because, now I know, there's a reason for the pain. It is to lessen the pain of my patients. There are times when despite trying our best, we still lose the patient, but I have learnt to accept. We can only do our best, after all, it is still up to god.
I am going to leave this place soon. 18 more days. Hopefully I won't regret my decision. May we all excel in whatever do.
