Oncology

came across this article as i was reading an oncologist's blog.

Just say die

''Dying, which was once viewed as natural and expected, has become medicalized into an unwelcome part of medical care. ''

''Worse, death has become medicine's enemy—a reminder of our limitations of medical diagnosis and management.''

Patient's death, should not be treated as medical failure. it's terribly hard to lose a patient, and its even harder to tell a patient that he/she is going to die.

oncology. haishh.

down down down

i need someone to tell me,

how do we keep the energy level high, when everyone around you looks so lethargic/ill?

how do we stay positive, when you are 'greeted' by 4 deaths early in the morning?

how do we stay happy, if you encounter people crying everyday?

it seems, laughing is an offense. seriously.

i know i have to keep going. i need something to keep me focused.

我累了

喜欢一个人可以变得好累。

我真的累了。

是时候放手了。

我相信， 雨过， 就是天晴。

可是，为社么， 这场雨，

下了这么久还没停呢?

happy mother's day:)

it's mother's day today.

i really really really want to go home.

but i cant :(

the notes that are piling up, the reports that are piling up, the list of things-to-do is going on and on.

just this week, i didn't call my mom for 3 days. and she tried to call me. and coincidentally, my phone ran out of battery while i was in the ward at night. when i reached home at 11pm, saw so many missed calls and message from her. i felt so bad. that i made her worried.

i spent so much time in the ward, trying to understand the patients, trying to understand each disease better, comforting them not to be worried, while i leave the very person that love me worried.

this is just the beginning. and i am already like this. how will the next few years be like?

i always say that i am a family oriented person. REALLY? now i doubt.

i miss home so much :(

somethings in life are easier once we do it n times. like taking blood, inserting IV line. repeat repeat repeat and you will improve. i wish it applies for leaving home as well. but no, it's so hard to step out of the door each time. it never will be easy.

5 more weeks.

life as of now

internal med.

not as crazy as what i have thought. at least i still have time to breath :)

before we enter internal med, we kept saying, we will miss surgery. i still do. but i think i m starting to like internal med already. the patients. the ward. the houseman. the doctors. and my ward-mates, and of coz most importantly the lecturer. i got a cardiologist as my mentor. andddd, i really fall in love with him wei. the way he explained how the heart works is just amazing. never had anyone can explain medicine so well.

despite the craziness, my life is still so dramatic.i duno how long more i can take this wei. but i was happy to be in the shit hole again. i mean. i am happy. but at the same time i feel pathetic. i duwan to come out from the shit hole. but at the same time i know i need to be out of it.

i duwan tragedy to repeat itself. i shall promise myself, there wont be part 2 of 1 litres of tear.

the other drama of my life. duno how to describe it. but, i just hope i don't hurt anyone just as how i was hurt, eventhough it means losing yet another friend.

a night which ended well, a webcam session with my hamsapest all the way from her new room in philadelphia :) somethings just don't change. and it is this things which i appreciate the most :)