child

i was having child psychiatry this few days. and one conclusion that i can make, i am no good with kids. lol. i just cant connect with them laaa. i was supposed to clerk a 6 years old girl with selective mutism/speech refusal yesterday. and can u believe it, i actually felt like i was playing squash for that 30 mins! you know, its like you are talking to a wall and there was no response. lol.

there's only one explanation, i am way too mature already ;p

psy exam is next week, which means psy is ending soon. i think i sort of like psy wei. its something really different from medical, but its interesting, because it deals with human mind. i will miss the nice MO in the ward too, who guided us in such self directed learning environment. not forgetting the consultant too, who is so cool. so cool i tell u ;p

we were in methadone clinic today for our case presentation ( which i have presented very disorganised-ly) , and the class stretched from 1130 till 3pm. we were all starving to death. and the consultant told us, ' u guys can have some methadone' , and when we showed our stoned face, he continued to say, its expensive stuff wei. lol..k, nothing interesting. i just enjoy typing here than to type my case summary. its depressive to type a summary on a patient with depression in such a depressive night. zzz.

home is one week away. not sure if i can go back next week after exam, but i just wannaaa go home so much. bah bah bah. the thought of doing research makes me feel like puking. zzzz.

crab walking

i am walking like a crab now. whyy?

yes! i did my first 25km yesterday! cant believe it right? i cant believe myself too. i cant believe i sign up for such a crazy thing , when i am having such a crazy schedule already. 4 weeks of psy, that explains a lot right? lol..

anyway, it was a hell! first challenge, up and down hills. i have lost count on how many hills that i have painfully jogged up, and down. its countless. i could feel my gastrocnemius yelling in pain everytime i jog up a hill. nextly, the hot burning sun with no shades during the whole 25km route. i just kept pouring water on my arm and thigh in all the water stations to cool myself down. lol..

most important of all, i didnt do much training for this run. all these factors coupled with lack of preparation, it was just a plain torture running the 25km. well, i didnt exactly run the 25km continously, i just gave up and started walking at around 18km. and i walked under the hot sun for 7km. luckily, i found a walking partner along the route, mr azaidi, someone whom i just get to know yesterday. lol.. he made my last few km less boring.

that just made me miss having someone to run together with. someone that could push me hard.

and this applies to runs, and also my daily lives.

i rmb during my last 21km, we were so busy saying hi byes to our friends along the route, motivating each other when we bump into each other during the U turns, the 21km seem relatively easy. now, i don't bother to look at other runners. coz i know none of them, well, besides rm, who waited for me for so longggg..lol..

i miss doing things with friends together. running together. hiking together. studying together. practising csu together. or just simply sitting together in lecture hall together. all these simple things seem so impossible now. in clinical school, people are busy with their own things. even when we go out, it will be like rushing here there. haish.

anyway, i reached the finishing point veryyy late. lol. of course i didnt get a medal. but i was given the finishing tee. yay. at least something for all the sweats! i love the tshirt, eventhough its like so pinkish. lol..

thought disorder

studying psy with all the criteria listed for DSM IV or ICD 10 is frustrating. so many things under one topic. i guess if someone is going to do mental status examination on me, it will be as bad as someone who is having dementia. huhuu.

as i was driving, it occurred to me, all the names for the diseases are named by none other than us, human. either name after the doctor who discovered the pattern of it, or name after the first patient in which the symptoms are found.

so funny. we find a pattern of disease, gather the pattern, compare it, and come out with weird names for each of them. eg.. schizophrenia. wonder how they came out with the name. lol.

the patients in the psy ward here is different from other wards. i mean, yes, of course the disease they have is different from those in medical wards. what i meant was that, here, most of the patients think they are alright. and true enough, most of them are perfectly healthy, physically.

unlike the patients in other wards who suffered from all the physical symptoms who wants to get well.here, they think they are well. and they really don't understand why they are kept here in the ward. if you see the condition in the ward, no one who is sane would want to stay there for a night.

but seeing them made me realise that anything can happen to anyone. these patients made me laugh, some of them made me tear. i felt my deep empathy towards one of the patients whom i met few weeks ago. she graduated from a prestigious uni in Sg , currently in her second sem for masters. all of the sudden, she just changed, presented with all the symptoms of schizophrenia. her mom showed me her family portrait during her graduation, it was a happy family. she looked so happy, so cheerful. now, the only word that i can use to describe is miserable. she felt miserable, didnt understand why she was kept in the ward.

suddenly, i am scared. what if this happen to me? i know this may sound childish or whatever you call it, but i am really scared.

sadly, the stigma is still present.

empathy vs sympathy

lecturer said, what patients need is our empathy, not sympathy.

which is what i need as well.

but what i have are the 4 walls in my room.

geez, i think i can meet the criteria for major depressive disorder in DSM IV already.

Psy!

First day in psychiatry ward! and at the end of the day, i told my posting mate, i don't know if i will still stay sane after 5 weeks in Psy. man, i don't know how the doctors manage to keep their faces straight while interviewing the patients, with the patient telling you some non-existent things, things which only they themselves believe.

seeing all these mentally ill patient, i wonder, is it more torturous to be mentally or physically ill? at least for some of them in the ward here, they are enjoying themselves in their imaginary world, as compared to the patients in medical ward.

either way, i am thankful that i am healthy, physically and mentally, hopefully still is after 5 weeks.