after 2 cycles

2 cycles means i am 24 now! a lot of things running through my mind.

spending more than 12 hours in the ward on my birthday is not a good sign. i love being in hospital, i love talking to patient, but i think there's much more in life than spending all my time in hospital. afterall, career is not the only thing which shape a person's life.

i wonder where i will be next year this time. i hate to come to a junction again.

stress is coming from everywhere, within and externally.

can somebody please tell me things will get better.

saw a note on someone's tshirt during my 10km run yesterday.
''it hurts up to a point and it doesn't get any worse''
i hope so.

unpredictability

second week in surgery. i am starting to rekindle my love for surgery. there's much more to it than just cut cut and cut.

having to cover the ward everyday, reaching the ward before sunrise is just plain tiring. but going back to this posting the second time made me understood lots of things which i did not understand when i was in semester 6. i still remembered it was my very first posting when i entered clinical school. even to settle down to clinical school was already a tough one for me, more over to understand surgery. so the posting just passed in a blink. the truth is, looking at the current semester 6, i feel so matured, at least in my clinical skills. can't say i am good it in, but with some polish, i am sure we will all be competent.

the ward is just full of so many motor vehicle accident patients. having to cover two patients from the acute cubicle, i have countless patients who came in with large/small bleed in the brain. all young and healthy ones. but because of an accident, things changed. some made it through, some didn't.

unpredictability. thats life.

two of my patients passed away in my first week. both are relatively young patient. with not much comorbid conditions. from the first day i clerk them, to seeing them deteriorate, to reading the reports on their deaths, the feelings are something which i cannot describe with words.

again. unpredictability. that's life.

however, coming back to the ward in my beloved country after so long, after doing my elective in taiwan and singapore, i realised there's a need for change here. something needs to be changed. something is wrong. but i just can't spell it out. my friend once told me, initiate change by being part of the change. yes?

tests

when you are bored, and too lazy to study, you do such stupid test to burn time. hoho.
can try this too when you are too free.lol...
to some extent, i think its a bit accurate.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

october is here

hoho. october is here.

time seems to fly. really. everybody can fly with Airasia now. even time can. yea, i know i am lame. that's actually my defense mechanism when i am stressed.

got over anesthesiology and radiology. supposedly the slackest posting in semester9. but i don't feel its slack at all. with classes stretched till 7pm at least once a week made me feel so dried up. its not uncommon to spot me sleeping in class, which i don't normally do that regardless how tired i am.i collapsed on the bed almost everyday after coming back from uni. and i can't seem to stop eating! maybe i should get my thyroid level checked. haish.

anyway, my weight is catching up too. with the lack of exercise and binge eating. all these symptoms of stress. i need to learn some stress management. its just beginning of the marathon. still a long long way to go. i don't want to collapse halfway.

engine is warmed up. i just have to keep going and accelerate from now. to where? i don't know.

planning for my future path is a headache. to the red dot down under? or to the states? or just stay here? choices. you complain when you don't have choices, you complain again when you have too many of them. its just human nature to complain.

going to surgery next! its where we first met 1.5 year ago. i would rather we did not.