scar

" Scar Tissue has no character. It's not like skin. It doesn't show age or illness or pallor or tan. It has no pores, no hair, no wrinkles. It's like a slipcover. It shields and disguises what's beneath. That's why we grow it, we have something to hide."
- Susanna Kaysen, Girl Interrupted

some people like to conceal their sadness/anger behind a great wall. they feel that crying is a sign of weakness and thus hold their tears even when they are really really in grief. i guess, i am like this. ever since i grow up, i rarely cry in front of other people. people that have seen me tearing before are like less than ten.

and now, whenever i feel sad, i can't cry. i know that i will feel better after i cry, but i just can't. the feeling is horrible. i think accumulation of all these sadness is really toxic. it is just like smoking, silently killing one person.

someone once said to me, learn to love yourself before you love others. but the question is how? i guess before i find out the answers, i am not qualified to love someone else yet.

sometimes, certain problems are just like the annoying flies. it will just keep bugging you, whether you like it or not, it will follow you wherever you go. i can't believe it, something has been disturbing me for almost half a year and i haven't found a way to solve it. it is really killing me. but somehow, i just let myself sink deeper and deeper into a dark-never-ending-hole. i need help. i need someone to tell me what to do. the sad fact is i know no one can help me, besides myself.

tralala~

cvs( cardiovascular) and respi exam is finally over. frankly, i think this is the most unprepared exam that i have ever sit for. i would say that the exam is not a tough one, but it is definitely a different one, more clinical based and the format is totally very different. under stressful condition, it is just so hard to answer the questions in such a short period of time. imagine, every 5 minutes, there will be buzzer/alarm, and you have to put aside the questions that you are answering and change to next set of questions. the funny thing is, the answer for the first part of the question may be in the second par. but you cannot go back to the first part after the buzzer. i guess, it is part of the training for us to respond fast and accurately.

anyway, i am now back in kuantan. missing out lots of stuff, just because i have to settle and replace all the documents that i lost. bleh. i want to learn mass dance. i want to meet the OOs. i want to watch imu cup volleyball/ football/ basketball match! i can't wait till monday when the new batch of juniors are coming in.

i hope this orientation will be a successful one, with all of us committee working together, to bring out a fun fun fun orientation for the new batch of students. although the following two weeks will be tiring + dirty, but i really can't wait for it :) and my event, charity home visit will be the last event for the orientation. but i think it will be the most fun, or rather most meaningful one. hehe. perasan!

yep yep yep. i am really excited.

and it has been one year since i entered imu. 20.8.2008. haha. one year since i know so many great people. one year since i have stepped into med school. and i can say, i have changed so much in this one year. ah well. 4 more years to go.

life in medical school is not an easy one. but i guess, all these problems are the 'stimulants' that stimulate me to grow up and work harder. one friend told me the other day, problems always seem to be bigger when it is infront, and it will be insignificant when it is at the back/or when it has already passed. thanks for always being there for me. even after what had happened, i am really happy to know that you still care about me. i just want to let you know that i really appreciate you, in the past and now =)

happy birthday!

happy birthday to JUN HUI and SHU YING :) :) :) surprisingly, two person that share the same birth date are studying in the same place, err, not exactly same, but at least same country and same state :)

junhui :)

shuying! :)

junhui, happy birthday to your brother too =P anyway, hope that you enjoyed the surprise that we prepared.

shuying, regardless where u are, hope u enjoy your big day and dun forget our promise after my exam ok :) remember to come back next year/next next year to claim your birthday present yea. hehe.

alright. a series of unfortunate events have taken place. bad day? yep, but i am trying to be strong. i know i can do it. and yes, someone up there knows that i can do it, that's why i was challenged this way.

天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身

ok, i am just trying hard to be optimistic. anyway, i believe, there is always a reason behind everything that happened.

good.bad.normal.

Appreciation.

bad days,
everyone has it. when we are going through it, we complain, we blame, we are not happy.

good days,
we enjoy them. but most of the time, we take them for granted. and sometimes we even complain that it passed to fast.

normal days,
we call them monotonous, boring.

Gratitude.
Be thankful for what you have, instead of complaining of what you don't have.

eggs

'' Recent research has shown that moderate egg consumption—up to one a day—does not increase heart disease risk in healthy individuals and can be part of a healthy diet.''

more : http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/what-should-you-eat/eggs/

yay to eggs :) i just love eating eggs, hard boiled, half boiled, fried, steam, scrambled, tomato eggs.. anything to do with eggs!

but i am just too lazy to cook. i just miss the days when we have eggs every morning for breakfast in mcnair =P

no, correction, i just miss home cooked food. ah!

random thoughts

ask yourself this question, will this matter a year from now?

i just love this quote when i first read it. but does that mean that we shouldn't care too much about things?

food for thought!